What If I

Sometimes I wonder
Sometimes I wonder, what if I
Sometimes I wonder, what if I yelled back
What if I had been born and raised in Korea
What if I had pursued music full-time
Sometimes I wonder
Sometimes I wonder
What if I were fearless
What if I had a time machine
Especially if I had received
Like, a lot of support as a kid
Sometimes I wonder
What if I were free from people's expectations
Like, how would that change my life
And how would that change the world
What if I just left it all behind and started over
Sometimes I wonder, what if I moved to another country
I think a lot about those questions
I still wonder that today

If I could revisit one of my life choices
It would be, uh
If I could revisit one of my life choices
It would be to give myself more breaks
I wouldn't, like, really revisit anything in my past
Outside of, like, just, reflecting
If I could revisit one of my life choices
It would be the days I chose despair
Back then, I thought it was the only option
Like, I don't really regret anything
Going to a high school that my mom wanted me to go to
Instead of studying vocal music at LaGuardia
Which is a competitive specialized high school
I try not to think too much about things past that I can't change
I am the person that I am because of the choices that I made
And they all compound on one another

One thing in life I don't regret is
Taking chances
And following my passions
One thing in life I don't regret though, all this being said, is
Taking chances
And putting myself out there
One thing in life I don't regret
One thing in life I don't regret is choosing to stay alive
Choosing creativity over assimilation
One thing in life I don't regret is
Letting go of what others think of me
That chance is not guaranteed and
When putting myself out there could end in failure
Speaking up when I could about things that matter to me
Not to be somebody who is gassing themselves up
But I think I'm pretty, like
Chill, so
One thing in life I don't regret
One thing in life I don't regret is doing my best
And to always try to do the right thing

If I could talk to my past self
I would tell her to just go for auditions
Tell her to trust her gut more
If I could talk to my past self, I would
Tell me to be myself
Tell her that she's smart
Tell her to just kind of chill out, you know
And not be afraid of everything
I would tell her to think less, and do more
And to study hard and be disciplined in your practice
Because that's important
I'd tell her to keep it up
Your intuition is better than you think it is
Honestly, if you feel emotional about something, just
Be emotional
Be mad
One day, I would meet really cool
Asian American mentors in my life
It doesn't matter what other people think
And if I could talk to my past self
I would say just
Go for it