Middle School Intro (feat. Blaine Zapain)

Middle School was one big bummer
I was prepubescent, I got no numbers
No girlfriend, no sex, no Hummer
I couldn't lay pipe, I was no plumber
Mom made me eat wheat bread, no wonder
And she wouldn't drive, and I was no Runner
Classmates were lame, and got no Dumber
I thought I would never make it to the next summer
What was wrong with me? I used to be a lover, but
I got no love from my sisters and brothers
I was broken up like, totally asunder
Until one day, I made a rookie blunder
I was late for class, mothertrucker!
Front door was locked, I had to find another, I
Bumped into skaters, you know, class Cutters
Dumping trash cans and jumping over the Clutter
What are you guys doing? I managed to stutter, they
Both rolled their eyes and laughed at each other
Then one of them grinded the curb above the gutter, they
Utilized wax to make it slick like butter
I was hooked, nothing looked funner, I
Felt like a pirate, ready for plunder
Snaking local spots, and stealing their Thunder, I
Lost my religion, praying to the god of lumber
I purged all my toys, I had a new Hunger
Already a vegan, I would be no Hunter
Fuck the military, I was no Gunner, and
Telling Mom and Dad would certainly be a stunner

Mom, I want a skateboard
Wait till Christmas?
But school just started, I'm way bored and
I'm going to need plenty of time to practice
Hey Dad, got any work?
I got to have some kind of income to
Buy a bunch of gear and not look like a jerk
Give me a loan? I'll pay it back and some
Hit the store, spread out
Find the board section, Mom get the bread out
The selection is pretty tapped, one
Last roller derby and a ninja by Nash
The latter's corny, I pick the former
Formerly a boy, I now I'll become a border
Ching ching, the register Rings
That's the sound of upcoming rounds ding ding!
Take one, learn how to ollie
50 takes later, feeling full of folly
Maybe skating just isn't my calling
Those kids at school will help me, prolly
Next day, I skate to class
Get speed wobbles on the hill and break my ass
Still boisterous, I asked the boys what's up?
Where'd you get your ride?, Toys R Us
What? That's not where you got yours? No nerd
That's a kids store, you didn't know? Oh, sure
Go to a skateboard shop, so where?
They don't serve your kind there, poser!
What! Man those dudes sure suck
Mom didn't know it was a kids store? Pure luck
What if she did? think of that
Maybe she's just cheap, can't we take it back?
What? Why, you got what you wanted
I need a pro model, and this is not itWow, you're so ungrateful, go skate
On that thing? No way!
I stormed to my room while she lost it
And threw that toy in the closet
I was bummed and needed some healing, it
Took another year before I caught the feeling
Dan, my brother's lil friend
Brought over a jinx by Vision with him
The grip alone was fresh to death, and he
Let me ride until I had to catch my breath
When out of nowhere, my ollie power worked, I
Had to be alone on some wall flower twerk
I couldn't believe it, I finally scored, and
Now that I could see it, I had to buy a real board
Hey Dad, help a brother out sir?
He started me at $1 an hour
It took two months to buy some cool stuff, a
Gator mark rogowski and a block head toothbrush
Mom had bought me some cons, but I
Got air walks with lace protectors on top
Blue bullets and brand new tracker trucks
Pink and purple ripped griptape, that's what's up
Vision Street wear had a cool T, but I
Wouldn't be caught dead with their shoes on the street
Fuct jeans and a backwards ball cap, a
Farmer tan till the fall, I was all that
The next time I bumped into those douchebags
They had on saggy pants and dew rags
Later skaters, nice to know your
Past your Prime, and I'm know poser