Lesson Learned

I want you
But I don't know what you are

All these traits that I used to hate
When I see you flaunt them it sets me straight
I was raised to see all the worst in me
I love you 'cause you show how evil I could be

I'll let you come to me
Who am I kidding
See what you wanna see
Don't know if I'm ready
Ain't no blood running through these veins
I work on fumes of hope and fear
Trudge through mud just to reach more pain
And nurse my wounds with a smoke and beer

Who am I to reach you?
I deserve to be alone
The only thing that I can teach you
Is to never share your throne
No one wants to learn that lesson
So I'll hold it on my own
No one wants to learn that lesson

I need you to take it down a notch
Shut your mouth, you're tryna stick around a lot
Keeping on you're gonna put me in the ground I thought
Leave it to yourself and let me make a sound or not

You're playing games
Come and seek me out until we're taking names
Wanna speak until the sun comes up in flames
Gonna leave if you don't let me take the reigns
Funny that I'm placing blame on a soul that I can't tame

I spend all of my days just waiting
Can't pretend that I'm not caught in a haze of baiting
On the mend but haven't brought on a way of changing
Better end when the means are of my creation taken verbatim

I'm only faking
Ain't no truth in this
I lose my shit
Don't be mistaken
Ain't no proving that I'm over it
I call it quits
I'm frustrated by the limitations
Captivated by the cycles and the ruminations

I hate it that the tidal waves are causing complications
Waiting 'til the right girl comes along and saves me from my patience
Blatantly reciting all the sorrow and the fluctuations
Constantly contriving all the impossible expectations

Can't seem to find my way
So I want you to need a mind to save
Never flaunt when I hate how I behave
Severed thoughts in a rage when I leave the stage, picking up the page

It's too easy making enemies in this town
Would you believe me if I told you that I'd stick around?
Couldn't conceive any reason that you'd be leaving
It's the season of treason and I'm bereaving, just can't live down

All that there's left to do is spit now
All I can say is I'ma stay to lay this shit down
All that I pray I pave a way for you to get down
Cast away the disarray and pass the tray
I'm acting like a lit clown

I think you're gonna want me just until you get to know me better
It's always sunny when your honey doesn't show the weather
It's funny running with someone tryna control me
Whether or not I'm a person or a fucking robot
Been ducking a whole lot
Stuck in the same old spot
Shaming my name, faux pas
Struck with the blame, oh God

Hate on me, well I hope not
Bait on sea, now I'm so caught
Plate's empty, had one shot
Now I'm in deep, need a mascot

Reminds me of times when we spoke and fought
How me smoked and coughed
Now we're broken off
Find I'm trapped in a fast thought
Mind unraveled the last knot

I'm aching over this
You can't see me
But my fingers won't make fists
'Cause I'm dreaming
We thought we knew the way
But it's a foolish wish
All the love I feel today
Could never cure this itch
I'll bet you never knew
That it would come to this
I know I didn't
I know I didn't
I know I didn't