North Cordova / Baldy Road (feat. Marcus Lee)

I don't want to go back there...

Shut the fuck up!
This is why Jesus made you!
Stay the fuck down!
Boy! Are you Cain or Abel?
Shut the fuck up!
I'm doing this 'cause I love you
Stay the fuck down!
This hurts me worse than it hurts you!

What a fateful game against San Gabriel in September
Where the damage to my brain was motivating my temper
Member of the team with an ember in his iris
Where he should've held a gleam, but can't remember he's in crisis
Forget the Demon Dionysus as I stumbled off the field
Missing scenes in lives of fighting, might've stumbled, dropped the shield
Never healed the hiding, and stop shy of wielding truth
Lost my steering wheel to Jesus and we flying off the roof
I'm the proof of evil genius, and my mind's my only weakness
Too aloof to make my teachers wise to the reasons I'm sleepless
Their prying questions, I'm speechless, thoughts are stuck in the mud
My "why" for death is so seamless, but no luck with a gun!
I've been corrupted and sweetened with artificial complacence
This concussion starts a sequence where I snitch on my rapist
And it's a lot to take in, all this rage that's been brewing
He made a tackle out the bassist, he don't know what he doing!

I don't want to go back there...

My face is black and blue from a trip to Del Mar
To watch the ponies run a loop as Father bought out the bar
I pushed him down, pushed my luck, paid the price with a punch
But he was drunk and hyphy later, broke his spine with a crunch
Couple months after that, he was lively and violent
My mind still fuzzy with nothing and he's too clumsy to fighten
Thinks my "that's enough!"-s are funny, 'til I'm fighting for real
It was probably less than twenty, the entire ordeal
Tried to take my phone from me, needed to conceal my voice
Lied to take my home from me, yeah that's how he'd steal my choice
Mind is roaming to the lives he dangled over me for silence
Older, never chose to look to rosaries for guidance
Grabbed his shoulders tightly and slammed his back into the wall
He gasped and then he folded, landed hard (I let him fall!)
Standing over him I stalled, staring into the kitchen
Saw the light of justice shining in a paring knife's glisten
And my mission in admission, was a lust for revenge
This was permission from the Gods that his life should be ended!
I couldn't cleanse the world of all the evil I'm presented
I was tested and I failed, too feeble for the sledge
I chose my freedom and fled, Mom picked me up in hysterics
I gave no reasons for dread that she could fit with their marriage
All the damage so apparent but the cause still a spectre
Then the fam went from caring to declaring "Defector!"

Shut the fuck up!
This is why Jesus made you!
Stay the fuck down!
Boy! Are you Cain or Abel?
Shut the fuck up!
I'm doing this 'cause I love you
Stay the fuck down!
This hurts me worse than it hurts you!

And you know I gotta go...
And you know I gotta go...

And you know I gotta go
Leaving a piece of my soul up at Baldy Road
Peaceful memories are old
Saving just a piece of those times up at Baldy Road
Baldy Road
Baldy Road
Even though you all been playing my life
I'll always recall the times I was up at Baldy Road

"Toodles" to toboggans
Too rude telling the truth, you begging pardons
You flew too close to the father, just spewing toxins
You lose the focus you bother, your skin'll harden
What we had in common was a cabin on the mountain
But the angel fallen never asked to tap the fountain
It's an ancient Walkman, full of U2 to boot
Learn the pain of stopping when you feel their rage from speaking truth
This escape from all the ruin, an Eden in the hills
No one questions what you doing... "He just eating what he kills!"
'em by the gills, or fill 'em full of pellets
Cut 'em up and serve with a spill of pickle relish, if you selfish

And you know I gotta go
Leaving a piece of my soul up at Baldy Road
Peaceful memories are old
Saving just a piece of those times up at Baldy Road

Oh the need to so embellish must be sweated out my skin!
But the seed of my most-hellish always closeness to my kin
Seems I'm chosen on the bell-curve to find the left side
Thought y'all were open-minded, had the nerve to lie for your pride
If you pry this free from your mind, you're never welcome back
We got the keys, with more time, we like "Who the fuck is Jack?"
Before I walked this path, learned to fly at the Zen Center
My Father raped my ass, that's why I'm a bed-wetter
They said "it gets better, Dad and Uncles had this too!"
Kept their knowledge on a tether, stayed puzzled to my truth
You'd think the red flag they waved would fly in their face
But they'd rather place a gag and keep me out of their space

Lashing out when looking back 'cause I just filmed at the cabin
Saw the pretty golden plaque they planted next to the Aspens
For my cousin that would pass, not four full years from my fractions
Who they knew was smoking glass, and left him out off the wagon
They never wanted Jason there! 'Cause he's an addict! It's tragic!
How he died, and now they care? They're such predictable Catholics
I know it's graphic, and antagonistic, how I break this down
But I lost my Baldy Road, I'm too explicit with my doubts