Magic

If I could count to ten
Open my eyes and have it all start over again
Take back all the things I said, that I never meant
And I prayed that one day you would forget
It's fucked up in my head
I say things I don't mean and moments later I am filled with regret
I wouldn't blame you if you left, it probably makes more sense
And I deserve to be alone

I hide it well, I'm like a magician
But it haunts my thoughts, keeps me lost, and it blurs my vision

I lie awake, totally afraid
Of all the thoughts in my head and the things that I'll never face
There's got to be a better way
But I'll drink enough to put it off for another day
A fresh coat of paint
The broom swept emptiness looks like a new place
We just covered the stains, they're not gone

Sorry I led you on, I'm not brave, I'm not strong
I am barely hanging on
At the end of a rope and most of my hope is gone
Please take this bitter pill, and know my dear I miss you still
Your flowers have begun to wilt, my love

It wasn't a momentary lapse
So many things in my past that I can never take back
Slipping slowly and failing fast
Is there part of me that's always going to make you sad?
Let's stop keeping track
Of all the things that you know that you need that I'll never have
Please don't be mad when I'm gone

Sorry I led you on, I'm not brave, I'm not strong
I am barely hanging on
At the end of a rope and most of my hope is gone
Please take this bitter pill, and know my dear I miss you still
Your flowers have begun to wilt, my love
My love

Even when it's sunny there's a chance of rain
It's followed me, everywhere, everyday
I left a note and I signed my name
It will be on the kitchen table when you wake

I gave it my best shot
But I could never see straight and I got lost
I hate it so fucking much, is too late now?
For me to learn how

Sorry I led you on, I'm not brave, I'm not strong
I am barely hanging on
At the end of a rope and most of my hope is gone
Please take this bitter pill, and know my dear I miss you still
Your flowers have begun to wilt, my love
My love