Healing Is Not My Purpose

I am remembering the freedom
to be here and live an enjoyable life
It's not for me to always to be all about self-improvement
I trust
I relax
and enjoy myself
It is more than ok to take a break from healing
I take as many breaks [as] I need
from always analyzing my behavior
I listen more to my heart
than protests of my logical mind
I invite spontaneity and transcend habit in my life
My purpose is to be in joy
My purpose is to feel amazing with myself
My purpose is to realize who I am being as love
My purpose is to enjoy food
My purpose is to reinvent fun
My purpose is to express who I am
My purpose is to satisfy my soul
My purpose is to inspire through my being
My purpose is to have fun
'Got plans' hits differently
So I'm 'a just know I ain't gotta do all the planning
to fulfil my potential
I'm what you say already
I am no longer orienting around pain
I am organizing around pleasure
I am no longer orienting around pain
I am organizing around pleasure
Being busy
is not my purpose
Busy healing
helping
working
achieving
changing
I can release the control to heal
and allow what has happened
to me
for me
Rest and ease is productivity
and I am normalizing that in my life
I don't need to martyr myself for change
I let the great 'I am' do the heavy lifting
I claim space for my miracles on my behalf
on the world's behalf
on the people's behalf
The most high plans for me is to give me hope
peace
love
and joy
And I stay receptive
of this Divine offer flowing into my life
When I breathe
I did the most
When I breathe
purpose is fulfilled
When I relax
I achieve
When I play
I am worthy
No matter how much I learn about what needs to change in my life
how much I become aware of the trauma
I know I am whole
My evolution does not depend on my works alone
I now see performative spirituality and healing
as a well disguised distraction
to continue capitalistic energy within myself
I release any spiritual obsessions or compulsions
to fix any perceived brokenness in my life and in the world
I know real change is letting go of attachment
to control outcomes
I take pride in all my perceived mistakes and flaws
just like I take pride in my successes and accomplishments
The intelligence that changes the seasons
grows
produces
tells my physical scars to heal
does it all on its own
So I know that same intelligence is a smart force
and source of my healing
my growth
my expansion
My healing is a natural process
I won't obsess to heal
to manifest desires
That I choose to submit to as often as necessary
Knowing this
brings me peace
I am not anxious about my trauma wounds
I am not worried about what hasn't healed within myself
I'm having fun
I'm enjoying food
I'm dancing
I'm playing
I'm kissing
I'm living
I was born to live
not to heal
My living is the healing
Life is purpose in itself
My healing is not my purpose