Swallowing Bruises

There's no excuse for excuses
Healing hurts like you're swallowing bruises
It's true you didn't choose this
Healing hurts when we love who we're losing

Now you, are only illusion
Healing hurts, makes me feel stupid
I was eating a sandwich when I got the phone call
Now I can't get what was said
Out of my head, my head is heavy lead
Writing a letter to the dead
That's all
A simple thought of you can bring me to tears
Death is the disaster, a storm that never clears
A Nostalgic collage in my brain
A mirage, then you're gone, insane
Moments turn to stone
Photographs locked in frames
Can't imagine your face ever getting older
I wondered how long you'd live if you got sober
I wonder how those drugs got a hold of you
I wonder if you ever felt love like I do
Feeling like I'll never feel better
Reading, breathing, grieving
Finding meaning on an island screaming
Asylum seeking kindness, finding violence
Tired dreaming of impossible meetings cuz
To process a loss and collect the pieces putting me
Back together will take forever
I see suicide is so high
Addiction at my doorstep
Knocking I ignore it
Mindfully exploring
A slow moving tortoise
That's sore and distorted
Aurora dwindling down
Tangled chords making sounds it's not proud of
Abandoned building with a ceiling feeling crowded
Can't get out it
I can't tell if I practice suffering
Is this an act of loving or is it cactus hugging?
Feel stuck in it
Impatient while my heart is slowly buffering
I hurry hurry it along I've felt enough of it
Why do thoughts Hurt so bad?
Why does love work like that?

It's true you didn't choose this
Healing hurts like you're swallowing bruises
Healing hurts when we love who we're losing