Hoodz 'n the Woodz

Yee, I'm a wizard, and here is my cloak
'Walk around in the woods, make me feel like the pope!
Just cruisin' with the breeze on a cloudy day
In only a cloak, what can I say?

Making all the witches want to come and play
'Cause my cloak is so fly and I wear it for days, hey, uh
I'm just walkin' down the path
Smellin' the sweet grass, all the witches say I'm like the Flash
In my cloak; so fast!
I might go for a soak in my cloak, 'cause it's waterproof
Got a hood on it too, which is honestly just incredibly convenient...

Lo and behold, there goes an old crone!
Hey old crone, how are your old bones?
"Why do you look so lackadaisical
Wand'rin' around in your great big cloak?"
I'm too dressed to be stressed in my great big cloak
"But what is a wizard without a quest?
What's the point of even living without a quest?"
Lo and behold, a gnome and bridge trolls
Hello gnome; hello you bridge trolls!
"Just as we gnomes must sit all day
A wizard must quest his life away!"
Am I a wizard without a quest?
"Just as we trolls must guard the way
A wizard never rests and never plays"
Tell me am I not a wizard without a quest?!

I've gone so far, I'm so astray
I really can't afford delay
And even though it pains me so
I need a quest; it's what I owe!
But I've searched for quests, looked high and low
I need to call my old friend Joe
Pick up
Come on, pick up!
Hello?
Joe!
Yo, you need a quest?
However did you know?
Alex, do not vex!
Variety garden pressure from crones, gnomes, and trolls
Make one sicker in the gully than stoned Micks in rolls

First off, hats off to your tenacity
In the face of one ambivalent queen's rhapsody
But isn't there a dragon, a basilisk or boss?
A plague of the land or a scourge of special sauce?
I was at a crossroad trollin' the wood feelin' dope in my clo'
O, you have the goods!
But wizards can be perfectly apt without quests
Sometimes we never know what's best left to test
What if this angst is too legit, and I'th quit
Or what of a destiny left best to sit?
Where are those heroes about whom Homer spoke
'Fore posers took adventure for some brand of joke?
Into this world we're thrown
Joseph? Joey-Joe?

Hm, I can't answer every question for you
But if you're yearning for a journey here's what you can do

Tell the bridge trolls you've a bigger brother
They should let you pass to eat the other
Now the paths before you split into infinity
Find the one with the mark of the trinity
Something bit me and I'm leaking body fluids; this hurts...
Sweet, that's street cred with the druids!
Stealth walk through their sacred neighborhoods
On the skirts of Mr. Robin's Hundred Acre Wood

Climb the redwood taller than the tower!
Half its leaves are really paneled solar power
There's a branch at the top that pulls to drop a tunnel
Cross your arms and brace yo'self to funnel
To a secret room beneath the Treetown Sound
Strike a match and fall onto the ground
Duck under the bed or alarms shall crescendo!
K; what's in the box?
It's a Nintendo