The Hole in my Head

Always too close to home
Stay looking out the window
Where will I go
Where nobody knows me

I still cry like the days in your shadow
It's the weight around my ankles
Pushing and pulling me back
Thrown up by earth
Did the victim come first
It shouldn't happen, regurgitation
Thrown up by earth

Walled up and sealed the door
I only live on the floor
With goosebumps while my heart thumps
Leave the bad alone, so I'm abandoned

Normalcy makes it seem not as bad as it really was
Not self-pity if others tell me
Its okay, it's really okay
It's really not that bad
I can't see how sad
With my hands clasped tight in my lap

Mistaking sympathy for love
Bonding over broken understanding
I still can't comprehend the warmth of your hands
Then you twist the knife the same
So, I'm wound up, tight
So high-strung, I'm the one

With the hole in my head dug straight from the amygdala
Many miles down
100 layers, 1,000 forms
Walled up and sealed the door
I only live on the floor
With goosebumps while my heart thumps
Leave the bad alone, so I'm abandoned

The mouse chews down to my pit less heart
The hole is endless
They told me thick skin
The buffer, oh a target like a punching bag
Never my issue always labeled the problem

With the hole in my head dug straight from the amygdala
Many miles down
100 layers, 1,000 forms
Walled up and sealed the door
I only live on the floor
With goosebumps while my heart thumps
Leave the bad alone, so I'm abandoned