Real Talk

I took a couple pills while at a party
No i would never do that shit, like im the type to even go to parties
But you wouldn't know that, i grab my car keys
Drive around the block, and think about the people i can trust and ones who haunt me
Cause there's a demon up inside my body
That i can't control and i can't restrain
So the bitch just eases on me
Wouldn't wash my clothes, to remove these stains cause theyre always throbbing on me
Do you wana understand my pain? Ok let's hop into my plane then
Ok so this is where my brains at
I been like this since child birth so i think it's ok
And when people try to tell me that i really need to change
I just really can't accept they can't accept the way i came

Not that i can't i know i can
But i don't fucking understand
That i just wana live my life, but people try to say i can't
And when i try to comprehend they say im on another rant
I dig my feet into the sand
Try to come out another man, but that was not part of the plan

And these emotions up inside me are too complex
So don't ever expect me to let out what's on my chest
Believe me yeah i tried but then i failed gave that a rest
It's gotten way too easy, slip shit off on my bed

Yeah it's gotten way too easy to act full when i ain't fed
I know i'm only drowning in my tears when im upset
But ain't nobody knocking on my door until i'm dead
But hell if i can't help with this deppression im obssessed

And the thing that really sucks about this whole situation
Is that musics how i vent so i express and then i'm patient
But everybody listens they just wana melody and not the complications
And that shit gets complicated in my head cause as i stated im a complicated man
They're like shit this hoes relatable, like yeah i understand
Holy shit like im a fan, like the topic just ran through your mind
How you gon say that you relate when you don't glance at the signs

This anxious side of me it never really lets me speak
I think i'm stronger when i realize im really weak
It motivates to act up, like i've been living sweet
And truth be told my life is blessed i really get to eat

There's countless people in the world that never lived that way
I think i might just be a sinner when i think that way
Cause i got all these hand me downs, left overs on my plate
In all the light my overthinking still find something grey

See that's the melody you wanted right
And that's the energy you wanted right
So that's the shit that you want me to write
Don't get me wrong i enjoy that at times
But in the moment of this song im tryna give you all a piece of my mind
Tryna give you all a piece of my time
Cause later on i'm gona say im alright
But bitch i promise you that i am not fine

(No no i'm not fine no)

And Out of all the songs i know you memorized deubai
I really hope you memorize this one
Because it's way more to me than any other song you've heard in your life
This is an uncommon side, you probably thought i was lying
You probably thought that i was saying what i said, just to fit into with the rest
They probably think "oh he wants fame so he's just acting deppressed"
The reality is, im just tryna get my redemption
For the hard to tell track that didnt get its attention yeah

Demons in me lately causing fevers
And i was taught to never bother talking down on anybody either
So every thought goes through my mind like it's a filter
I look into every side like im a judge, but who should i believe in?
We play on equal ground but i know sinners are deceiving
Angels on my shoulder tell me i should just retreat and
Satan on the other side tryna stop my breathing
Suffocating, on the scary thoughts that i thought i defeated

Most my songs i try to make relatable to you
So now i make one for myself, yeah this is something new
I try to share with you my point of view
And not for pitty just to show some people what i've going through
Cause maybe someone can relate too
Then maybe someone can hit my line, and have advice on what to do
Cause these drugs only do so much, only prove so much, won't improve so much no no

I've always wanted to be the golden child
To bring the money to the house and make the mother fucking family proud
The more i age the more i think about
What are the chances that'll happen, like my voice don't even make a sound
I meditate cause i can't think out loud
Cause im afraid of what they think about
Cause im afraid of criticism how
Can i expect to make it in this day and age
Where people judge you just for simply standing out

Everything you do now makes you an outlier
Contemplating my chances into that fire
Wasnt built for that life i wasn't hard wired
Bitch im just a guy in a mood with emo attire
I keep hitting this blunt but i am not higher
That's how i used to feel now i get too high
I lose my thoughts, get paranoid
Stare at a void then take my ass to bed tell em goodnight

Now that you heard the story
Would you mind giving your thoughts tell me did you enjoy it?
Did you find it entertaining or thoughrouly boring?
That's my social side excuse him just fucking ignore it
He ain't really ever here, only when you annoy him
I guess that writing up this song was a reason to show
I can feel his anger boiling he ready to blow
That's the mother fucking cue now im ready to go