The Catch-Up

No this was supposed to be a hype track
Some sort of confidence-booster but I ain't like that
Cause really I'm more sad that I know
Richelle says I'm somber when I'm trying not to let it show
But of course it always grows the more I keep it in
Whispers in my ear, "it's cause you're not free of your sin"
No these tattoos of my future are just brands of my past
I'm sittin' crying on a carousel, how long will this last, yeah
Cause I got a lot of ground to make up
I'm late to the game, and all the legends ain't gon' wait up
I gotta work for every dollar, every cent that I get
I really hope it's worth every single night that I've spent
Tossing in my bed wondering if I'm made for music
I dropped out of college just so I could pursue this
But it's sad, cause I've only made five songs this year
It's like I'm stalled on the road, and I can't kick it in gear, yeah
And so I'm always behind
Cause it was only six years ago I started writing rhymes
But it was all just CHH until my junior year
And honestly, it's stupid, but it kinda makes me fear
That if I get into the room, that no one's gonna respect me
Cause if I don't know the references, they might just reject me
Or worse, the might ignore and neglect me
So I got a lot of work to do to make sure they accept me
Now I gotta play catch up, like it's "Go K-Z"
Cause I wanna get a leg up, but I'm so lazy
I been so confused lately, I been trapped inside this echo chamber
I been going crazy

Nah let the pen speak
Tryna get to a place where homies wanna send beats
Tryna figure out how I'mma get up the ending
Cause when it's time to support ionkno where my friends be
Yeah
So maybe we ain't friendly
No shout out to the lineage, them ladies be deadly
I'm working on not falling into what has been tempting
I'm working to get my weight up so I that end the renting
Cause I don't got time to worry about payin' up
Man I'm working double time just to be saving up
Yeah mycircle is small cause I don't want nobody playing us
But put this in your playlist cause y'all should be playing us
Yeah
No it ain't vague, it's ambiguous
And if you don't the difference, then don't sit with us
No, he ain't even go here, his rappin' is so weird
Making fake deep music for kids crying faux tears
Sorry I didn't wanna waste away four years
My mind's a room with fours walls of head-to-toe mirrors
Not to mention the ceiling, it's hard to say that it's appealing
I still don't know the differences between biting and stealing
I still don't know the differences between thinking and feeling
But I'm on the freeway to recovery and healing
Hard to understand the cards when you don't know been who's dealing
So I'm hoping it won't be a Queen-of-Spades-type revealing
No shout out to the Cabana, the ones north of Atlanta
I'm tired of Indiana, I wanna know what the plan is
I wondering if I'll panic, if I'mma wanna abandon
The ship like it's the Titanic, and ditch all of my companions
Not that I got many, acquaintances I got plenty
I'm hoping that God'll send me somebody to compliment me
Like two halves of a whole
Like Yue's passion and pull
The moon catches my soul
I move fast and then slow
Ten days to catch a wave, it's high tide
It's high time for me to lose my mind
Or at least step outside of it
Try not to be counterfeit
But find where the balance is
Between pride and cowardice
Yeah
Feels like I'm always six months behind
I hope that I can catch up before I die
Yeah I hope that I can catch up before I die

Hush