Smirk

Every dream I have
There's a death at the end
But I can't put off sleep as much as I want and
I feel like I'm corroding from the inside out

So that's a suicide attempt
That I can't reject
And maybe those delusions
Birth obsessions over death
Are those thought patterns something I can mend?

But I can't force myself to care anymore
Isn't that the most embarrassing thing you've heard?
I just let everything go to shit
And I watch like a spectator
No mind to direct involvement
I feel bad, but I will only make it feel worse

It's not fun pretending anymore
It used to be a challenge to be acting
But now it's so difficult
That I just sit and accept it

Are you really sure this is who you are?
Oh, you never were?
-Little late to start

I feel empty all the time
Combative but losing all fights
Smirk for my friends on the sidelines
It's alright

Every thought I ever have
Hurts me or wants me dead
There's no counter-argument I can come up with

I'm losing