Helmand

I never dreamed
That I'd be waiting to die
Struggling daily
Just to find a reason why

At the age of nine-teen
I was choking on sand
Walking the desert
With a rifle in my hand

At the end of the day
It's all on me
I signed the line
Nobody made me

I guess you could say
That I got fooled
I was a kid
I wanted to be a hero

I wasn't really trying
To run away
I really just wanted
To make them proud of me

I can't undo
The shit that I've done
And I can't unsee
The shit that I've seen

The bombs don't care
That you're just a kid
And the bullets still fly
Even if your family cries

I know that I
Don't need to explain myself
I wish that I could
Maybe it would help

Shaking and crying
Every night in my sleep
I can't keep on fighting
With this darkness over me

Empty pill bottles
Scatter the floor
From self medicating
The whole night before

The truth of the matter is
That I don't regret a thing
I give my heart and soul if I could
To go back to those days

Go back to those days

I think I left my heart in that land
And It's cost me everything
I think I left my soul in that land
And It's caused me so much pain

Guess I'll pass the time
With these vices of mine
They can pump my stomach
But they can't fix my soul