Damn It Feels Good to Be a Senior
Slept in late, nearly 6 o'clock
With my velcro shoes and compression socks
Put my teeth back in, shuffle down the hall
Gettin' senior discounts all across the mall
I'm old as fuck, but I'm young at heart
I'm finishing a puzzle with a couple of tarts
And if I play my cards right, and you catch my lingo
I'll be takin' both of these birds out to bingo
STD's in nursing homes are on the rise
But let my brittle old bones get between your thighs
We can have some hanky-panky, hump & wheeze
As my saggy old nuts slap against your knees
"Could you turn it down? It's a bit loud!"
Help I've fallin' and I can't up
There's caffeine in my coffee and I'm all shook up
Grab a quick nap after coffee row
Then I hop in my car to drive too slow
With my veterans plates and handicapped sticker
Corduroy pants that are even thicker
Can't find my wallet, so I have a quick search
Then I've gotta get my old ass off to church
Turn my hearing aids down, nod & smile
Ride my acorn lift, and it takes a while
Grab an early supper, maybe 4 o'clock
And then Jeopardy's on, and it's time to rock!
"Hey get a load of this! It's the Daily Double!"
Play crib, lawn bowl, then I take a swim
Let my nuts hang out when I'm at the gym
Have a quick steam bath and I'm in the zone
Puttin' on stinky old man cologne
Got a new tennis ball for the end of my cane
So I can go off-road on rough terrain
I'm a real crowd pleaser, frail old geezer
I love crosswords, and a good brain teaser
Some of these grannies are past their prime
Age is just a number and it's better with time
My tuna cassarole is always killer
It's gonna be wild, 'cause it's pot luck dinner!
"You darn kids! Get off my lawn!"
My joints are acting up, it's about to rain
And I'm payin' for prescriptions with a pile of change
Pickin' up brand new orthotic shoes
And cream for my liver spots and purple bruise
It's time for my bath, better get the sponge
You can set me in the tub and I'll take the plunge
Stroll to the kitchen and I grab some jello
Then I wink at all the ladies and I give 'em a "Hello!"
Popping some viagra for an extra boost
This place is full of widows and they're on the loose
Yeah sure they might have some varicose veins
But get them outta their nighty and they're off the chains
"Hey ladies! You go on ahead, I just need to rest for a minute."
"Well, that settles that then."
With my velcro shoes and compression socks
Put my teeth back in, shuffle down the hall
Gettin' senior discounts all across the mall
I'm old as fuck, but I'm young at heart
I'm finishing a puzzle with a couple of tarts
And if I play my cards right, and you catch my lingo
I'll be takin' both of these birds out to bingo
STD's in nursing homes are on the rise
But let my brittle old bones get between your thighs
We can have some hanky-panky, hump & wheeze
As my saggy old nuts slap against your knees
"Could you turn it down? It's a bit loud!"
Help I've fallin' and I can't up
There's caffeine in my coffee and I'm all shook up
Grab a quick nap after coffee row
Then I hop in my car to drive too slow
With my veterans plates and handicapped sticker
Corduroy pants that are even thicker
Can't find my wallet, so I have a quick search
Then I've gotta get my old ass off to church
Turn my hearing aids down, nod & smile
Ride my acorn lift, and it takes a while
Grab an early supper, maybe 4 o'clock
And then Jeopardy's on, and it's time to rock!
"Hey get a load of this! It's the Daily Double!"
Play crib, lawn bowl, then I take a swim
Let my nuts hang out when I'm at the gym
Have a quick steam bath and I'm in the zone
Puttin' on stinky old man cologne
Got a new tennis ball for the end of my cane
So I can go off-road on rough terrain
I'm a real crowd pleaser, frail old geezer
I love crosswords, and a good brain teaser
Some of these grannies are past their prime
Age is just a number and it's better with time
My tuna cassarole is always killer
It's gonna be wild, 'cause it's pot luck dinner!
"You darn kids! Get off my lawn!"
My joints are acting up, it's about to rain
And I'm payin' for prescriptions with a pile of change
Pickin' up brand new orthotic shoes
And cream for my liver spots and purple bruise
It's time for my bath, better get the sponge
You can set me in the tub and I'll take the plunge
Stroll to the kitchen and I grab some jello
Then I wink at all the ladies and I give 'em a "Hello!"
Popping some viagra for an extra boost
This place is full of widows and they're on the loose
Yeah sure they might have some varicose veins
But get them outta their nighty and they're off the chains
"Hey ladies! You go on ahead, I just need to rest for a minute."
"Well, that settles that then."
Credits
Writer(s): Malcolm Graham Whyte, Myles Daniel Morrison, Kirk James Morrison
Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
Link
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