If Moms Rapped

Hi! Hello! Well how ya' doin' then?
You're about to hear a rap from your moms best friend
My husbands at work and the kids are at school
And I'm heading over. Let's soak our feel in the pool
We're due for a visit! It has been forever
And I finally have no plans whatsoever
So, come on. What do ya say?
I'm picking up some wine and I'm on my way!
Oh my God, Hi! Your hair looks great!
Are you keeping it short? "Yeah, I like it straight!"
This is for you - I've never made it before
It's from that girl at work that's a bit of a whore
That's her! Yup, caught on the security cam
With the guy from IT that was licking her yam
The neighbours saw the whole thing from their silhouette
I don't know how they haven't fired her yet
But the recipe's good and it's easy to make it
You just throw it all together and you don't have to bake it
The kids won't eat it. They don't like the colour
If I didn't give birth, I'd swear I wasn't their mother
Anyway, I saw Jill. She's with a new guy
I told her we were here, so she might stop by
I didn't like her last one. He was really controlling
And he wouldn't let her drink with us when we were out bowling

We're drinking all afternoon
While the kids at school so it's opportune
We've got fresh baked brie and the wine is poured
And we're cracking out the big charcuterie board
We're drinking all afternoon
While our husbands are at work like a bunch of buffoons
Let the gossip train flow like it usually does
And drive the minivan home with a bit of a buzz

That's Jill. Come on in!
Oh my God you guys! How've you been?
I'm in holiday mode. Sorry I'm late
That's okay girl, you've got a lot on your plate
Guess who I ran into while out with the squad
Sarah. And she's got a little pea in the pod
I didn't even know she could reproduce
But apparently she can and she's as big a moose
She'll be a good mom, she's got a good heart
But she needs a new man, cause he's not very smart
Things are so good, I don't know even where to begin
I'm with a new guy which explains the grin
His libido is wild, and this'll sound obscene
But it hurts to sit down if you know what I mean
It's going so smooth, like it's really rolling
And he doesn't even care if I drink when we're bowling

We're drinking all afternoon
'Til our make up runs and our hair is strewn
It's a great time full of friends and food
Then our husbands come home and ruin the mood
We're drinking all afternoon
The wine don't stop till we're good and gooned
We'll make follow up plans like where and when
And let months go by 'til we do it again

(GOSSIP)

We're drinking all afternoon
While our husbands are at work like a bunch of buffoons
Let the gossip train flow like it usually does
And drive the minivan home with a bit of a buzz

We're drinking all afternoon
With our mom jeans on in the middle of June
The fresh baked brie and the wine is gone
And the kids are home now so stop the song