Audiophile (redux)

I can't open up to these faithful bastards
I'm reserved but I'm not bashful
Give me time I'll give a crash course
Of the ins and outs of my discourse
My brain is broken
But so am I
Rules and restrictions don't apply
When things quiet life intensifies
Makes me want to escape this stupid life
Into the sky
Maybe I won't have to give up my mind
Maybe I won't end up taking my life
Maybe I could learn how to survive
I don't know a thing about being alive
I don't know
That's all I know
I believe in hope
But mine is gone
And I am done
I am none
So I am not

Sorry I'll start making sense
I'm living life in the past pretense
And the past lie controls my fate
As a past time I let go of strength
And I become weak
And I get broken
I see no point but the point has been spoken
It's a catch phrase or a term that's token
Symbolic of sleeping symbolic of woke and
I try to decode it
To find out who wrote it
Ask them a question
To see if they know it
To weed out the phoneys
And just chill with homies
I'm trying to quit but I just keep smoking
And I just keep feeling like life is a lie
Like people play games with my head everytime
Like lies and bullshit is a pass time
Like nobody means nothing and were just meant to die
I refuse to put away my thoughts inside a box
And give the key that unlocks it to a so called God
I'm ready to be obnoxious
I'm to accomplish
I'm ready to kill a bitch and I have an accomplice
My thoughts are a constant
Flow of evil when I conscious
I clear my conscience
And I'm asking the magic conch if
I should continue flowing or if I'll be conquered
Cause I'm not scared
And I'm not here
I'm barely aware

I want to be dark
I want to show you the worst sides of your heart
If you're breaking down I'll take part
I'm proof that life can be hard
Let me tell you how I think when I start to die
When I'm distant from the world and there's nothing in my eyes
The world goes black I go back I relapse
And contact the devil for a helpful contract
Yeah
It's only on the worst days when there's no hope
When I reach for a hand but I only find a rope
A noose that left me hanging at the end of the road
It doesn't matter if I'm gone nobody will know
When I dissociate I slip into a deeper state
Of sleep and then I dissipate
I hope that you anticipate
My hope for death and lack of faith
I'm going to reiterate
You can't see my lack of faith
Can't see I've got a fucked fate
if you saw how full my plate
Then you could investigate
But now you instigate
You take your guess and aggravate
I'm starting to agitate
My eyes will never dilate
I'm starting to want to go harder than before
I shall annihilate

I'm an engineer
The endings near
I shed Indian tears
And I'm filled with fear
I'm an architect of my archetype
Rick and Morty basically memed my life
And now nihilism is just for laughs
And rhyming isn't gonna last
My raps are worthless
These raps are bad
My sentient lyrics dictate that I'm sad
The life I've been living is not like my dreams
I may be sad but I'm just a teen
This year marks the end of an era
I'm ditching the theme
Of the past six years of this existence
My 20th birthday ends the sentence
The period of my sad objections
No more whining just more intentions
And I intend to be intent
This is the start of my ascent
Living a life with zero regrets
All is well that ends in death
That's where life leads
Some take the road at different speeds
Some shake their head when they look at me
Cause I'm flying down this road at like 103
Switch that to that temperature like it's degrees
That's what this song is cause it's packing heat
You wish that you could stack up to me
I craft the beat whip it together yeah this my masterpiece