Survived By (Live)

Some days I wish my dad would start calling about my grandparents dying instead of their grandkids
It's been a trend in our family since his brother the year I was born
Only two years since the last one, and that was the last time we were all together
I don't think his sisters can take any more

And it's a shame, you both went the same way when you could've stayed

I worry about my brothers
when I call they say they're fine
I don't call often enough, but who can find the time?
I am learning that time is not found, it is made
I should start making time to call them back before it's too late
Because if this runs in the men in my family, well they are men in my family
And if the men in my family are doomed, then what does that make me?

But I keep on surviving, no matter how bad life gets, it's not nothing
And that's something to live for, I guess
And on my good days, I let myself hope
Sometimes I even feel happy in moments
And on my best days, I remember to slow down and notice them

That sickness is in me too, and I know my mom can see it
It must be hard to have parts of your body walking around in this big bad world
I wish that I could tell her that I'm fine, and not to worry so much
But I know she always will, no matter what
How could she not?

But I keep on surviving, no matter how bad life gets it's not nothing
And that's all that's after this
I know you hate when I say that
But some days it's all that keeps me going is knowing that this is all we get
And on my bad days I know my mom is out there somewhere praying for me to her god
Even though she knows I don't believe
And sometimes I pray for her back, because I think she would like that
And honestly, it's kind of comforting

If I go too soon there are people I know will miss me
Even when it's hard to see that in my head

And on your bad days I hope you feel safe
I hope you believe that we love you despite all the bugs in your brain
Telling you it'd be easier to leave
And I can't promise that things will get better
But I promise you will laugh and I will laugh
And you might smile at a stranger and they might smile back
And you will never know how much they needed that
If I could go in your place then I would but you're gone and I can't so I guess I'll stay
Keep trying everything I can to make everything okay
And on our good days we'll share the same hopes
We will look forward to happier moments
And on our best days, we'll remember to slow down and notice them