Breathe In The Air

In through the nose
And out through the mouth
In through the nose
And out through the mouth

Breathe in the air
Breathe in the air
Breathe in the air
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe

I speak with fiery speech
I am besieged by liars
Trying to be what I am
But I am unique
Maybe it's finally time that I leave
And find where I'd be
More likely to thrive
But it's not like me to flee
Or retreat from a fight with a beast
I dive deep inside of me
With a knife in my teeth
I am sea of anxiety
A reservoir of tears
From years of not crying
Deprive me of sleep
This is not a metaphor anymore
This is my life on a beat
I have been beaten
But time and time again
I climb to my feet
And rise from defeat
My tempers short
You best be sure it can lead to violence
So I have been seeking guidance
To help me find inner peace
Trying to silence the voices In my mind
Seeking asylum from psyche
That reminds me of my disappointments
Denial avoidance and smiles
At my desire to murder
The child that is my inner orphan
Time is a spiraling vortex
Colliding while flying in orbit
Combining enjoyment and types of misfortune
Denied I'm an abortion
I was pried into life with pliers and forceps
And left to die on a doorstep
Now I'm climbing the spire of churches
Admiring girls as they bat their eyes at their boyfriends
Chiming a warning
When night turns to morning
And morning to night
I am silently mourning
It's just a matter of time before they conspire to hurt me
The fire is burning
I struggle with finding a purpose
With too many irons inside of the furnace
I am deserving of love and compassion
I am worthy happiness
But none of it matters
If you're stuck in the labyrinth
In tunnels of blackness
And the journey keeps double backwards
I've been searching scouring for hours for arrows
But they're all pointing in circles
And now I've got vertigo
And heard crows and the sounds of owls
And sparrows chirping
Birds singing verses
From the first albums I purchased
With my allowance
When I coward in corners
And was drowning with no outlet
But fought my way out to the surface
Gasping for breath

Breathe in the air
Breathe in the air
Breathe in the air
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe I'm just trying to breathe
Breathe in the air

The brain forms patterns
Foreshadowing pain
Forecasting the rain storm
Core values have changed
I went from a war path to a maze
Of worn tracks to escape
While your back in the days
Trying to capture the same
Magic that fades
After you age
No more shackles and chains
A slave trapped captive and caged
Remaining passive in practiced restraint
Have to refrain from snapping
As they laugh in my face
Trying to reframe the shattered glass
And scattered ashes
That is my faith
Take it and make it a passage
With a catchy refrain
And if you play it backwards
It only scratches
There's no palindrome made
It's just some verses and a chorus
And some words on a page i
And it's worthless unimportant and ignored
But it cures the malaise
Reforming my brain's neuroplasticity
I'm learning to have some sympathy for self
But I lack discipline
And they lack dignity
In fact kicking me while I'm down
Now I react physically
And viciously
To this critique
But vow to act differently
And learn to meditate
Take a second and wait
Slow the heart rate
Setting a level pace
And attempt to separate from the everyday stress
And let my perspective change
Getting in a better mental space
Rejecting the collective hate
While they speculate on what I'll say next
But I'll never mention names
Always been a renegade
I'll go against the grain
I tend to bend but never break
I'm hell bent on demonstrating my strength
To see how far I can get
But don't test my patience
And yes you can say it's a threat
When there's a dead weight
I let stay
And rent a place in my head
for decades
I sketch faces in red
Till my pen shakes
And then I start again the next day
With fresh paint
From something they said
I write essays to the dead
In a vain attempt to express
Pain anger shame and regret
And what an immense waste it has been
Instead of laying in bed
I pace racing against aging
There's a pain in my chest
But maybe I should take a few breaths