Excuses

I get stuck in memories of when you made me feel small
Some days I don't feel like I've grown at all
Looking back at the last few years, it's like I fell asleep
And forgot how to wake myself from this twisted dream

I remember your eyes in that moment
Like a firebrand, burned in my mind
I was too young to see what you were doing was abusive
You said you loved me, so I made excuses

Can't say when you cross the line
You play the victim every time
Surprise, now I've found my spine
Stay in your place while I find mine

Now I have this unconscious obsession
I'm drawn to others like you 'cause I crave your affection
Somehow I always let them in and trick myself into thinking
That if they love me like you didn't, you'd get some redemption

So I put my heart in the hands of those
Who wanna cut me into pieces, force me in a mold
And I know, I know I should ask for more, I know I'm worth it
But I don't demand better 'cause I believe I don't deserve it

Can't say when you cross the line
You play the victim every time
Surprise, now I've found my spine
Stay in your place while I find mine

In this life, you only get one shot
And sometimes it's better to leave behind what's best left forgotten
And I know there will be days I can't get up when I fall
But even if I can't run, you best believe I'm gonna crawl
Because I'm breathing

These lungs have made it this far, taking in oxygen
And even if my heart is shattered like glass, reflecting my past
It's the perfect mirror because I'm a bigger person than the girl I was