808 Blues

Uh, depression is a motherfucker
'Cause everyday I'm just stressin' and just fucking suffer (Uh huh)
It's like a plague lurkin' through my veins surgin' (Yeah)
A great burden that became worsened, this shit ain't workin' (For real)
Deteriorating to downright dysfunctional
My demeanor's detrimental and quite destructive though (That's facts)
Please understand, I wasn't born cynical (I wasn't)
But this shit around me gave me a war driven mold (For real)
'Cause it seems that it all happens adequately (Uh)
How will it even out with my odds stacked against me? (How)
Can't play my cards right if always dealt a bad hand (Yeah)
Waiting for this shit to go my way's a hella fat chance (Mhmm)
Most of the time, I ain't the cause of conflict
Either way, it's more than constant that I'm forced upon it
My stubbornness got me stuck in stupid people fights (Uh huh)
Then I have to ask, "why are you booing me? I'm right" (Come on)
'Cause it's like mentally, I'm Training Day Denzel
But I'm forced to act like I'm afraid to break eggshells
Like I'm not allowed to fucking win, that's why I'm sufferin'
'Cause even when the victim, I'm the one they're fucking punishin' (Facts)
I must've struck a chord 'cause the globe's so dissonant
Didn't need a lockdown to be social distancin' (For real)
The anxiety and guilt slowly eats my conscience
I'm just being honest, I can barely keep it modest

Gimme all the fake love 'cause by now I'm just used to it (Uh)
Ain't nothing new to this, just a muse for blue music (Uh)
I guzzle bottles drunk in sorrow, saying "fuck tomorrow" (Uh huh)
A good day's less probable than if I struck the lotto (Facts)
I can hear the sadness in the horn of Miles Davis (Mhmm)
Fake smile faded, that facade is outdated (Yeah)
'Cause I'm just now hated, you don't see a mouth say it (Ya don't)
But that's what they're thinking, making me sound jaded (Ooh)
I reached the far side, can't keep running away
From my fucking mistakes, they'll catch up to my pace
When I confront in the face, I'll have nothing to say
I'm no sucker for pain, but too stubborn to change (For real)
It's been so normalized that I ain't in the right mind (Mhmm)
That the last happy day feels like a different lifetime
I thought this all be past reflections while I grow from adolescence
But my scatterbrain is all running rampant asking questions
Like why's there always something that I must feel guilty for? (Uh huh)
Like it's a curse in me, the fact that I feel remorse
How you gonna tell me to be my fucking self
Then turn around sayin' I must now act like someone else? (Come on)
Because what the fuck is making me the target?
Where I'm rejected and neglected like a piece of garbage
For once, I wanna be the top priority
But the beef doesn't end 'cause I gotta fight wars with me