I'm Afraid

I can't even lie, it's hard to commit
When I find someone, I just convince
Myself that she's like my last
It doesn't last and then we split
This pattern is making me sick
Trauma bond again and again
Playing scenarios that don't exist
Stuck in the past, I need a grip
Loves a game and I let her win
I can't let nobody in
She's left me damaged
Caught her red handed
She single handedly
Showed me when
You give your heart
You'll get torn apart
And left in the dark
It's hitting me hard
Since you left your mark
Emotionally scarred
It is what it is, damn
Inside my heart, lies a feeling of hate
Cuz after 2 years you still lied to my face
I know you love causing misery
Look at your history
No wonder, nobody stayed
Saw the red flags and thought you could change
Was it your plan, to throw me away
Was it your plan to cheat all those days
What was your plan
There's a trail of victims laying behind you
I died on that path
You cheated on me, then played the victim
Fuck I still took you back
Got my new girl tryna pick up the pieces
Got my new girl fighting all my demons
Got me set back and feeling defeated
And lately all I can think is
Maybe I'm not enough
Said ima leave, then called out my bluff
You knew how to take my feelings
And twist them I'm wishing
That there was just never an us
Got my walls up, it's weighing me down
Cuz my new girl can't take them down
I'm afraid she won't wait around
Me being in pain must make you proud
Questioning if she loves me
In this position because of me
Bled on her when she didn't cut me
God this feelings disgusting
I don't want nothing
But to be vulnerable now and get fixed
Blaming her for a crime she didn't commit
She's tells me again & again that

Baby, I'm not like that, I'm not going to hurt you

Yeah, just afraid of another mistake
I am afraid I don't wanna get played
I don't wanna give my all again
Just see all of it being called out as a waste
She effected me in multiple ways
Threaten suicide, when I'd walk away
Playing with my emotions just so I would stay
And while I stayed I saw all her games
She was a liar
She was a cheater
Look what she done to me
She even lied to my baby mama
So I'd lose custody, damn
I got to let this baggage go
I got someone in front of me
Who's in loves with me and
Got her wondering
If all her comforting is gunna work
I'm still discovering, how all that suffering
Got me uncomfortably scared to get hurt
This is something no one deserves, nah bah
Feelings inside
I feel people going to push me aside
I'm traumatized, by all of the lies
I'm paranoid, it coincides
And i don't know why
Always got fear in my mind
Looking for something that's harder to find
When you experience, betrayal like mine
Your start to get blind to people that try, I'm
Done looking back, I'm done looking back
How can we ever build a future, i live in the past
It's holding us back, you don't deserve that
We don't deserve that, its time to detach
I wanna last, i see who are and love who i have, I'm
Done questioning if she loves me
In this position because me
Bled on her when she didn't cut me
God this feelings disgusting
I don't want nothing
But to be vulnerable now and get fixed
Blaming her for a crime she didn't commit
She's tells me again and again that

Phone Call: I know it's not your fault
I just, I get so caught up in my head
Like I just, I can't manage the way that I feel sometimes
And I just, I know it's not you, It's just
Its just shit that I went thru
I know, I know, I know its not you though
I got to fix that, I know I do