Train of Thought

Tell me tell me issa blessing or a burden
Please send a message am I meant for this purpose
Born into this world it's a circus
A young Son of Christ in the corpus
Tell me tell me issa blessing or a burden
Please turn my wrongs into lessons into riches
Should I cut ties and burn all those bridges

Gathered all my thoughts, and I turned them into lines
Inception of them feelings that I got, and I'm burdened by they size 'cause
I'm Nauseous when they turning into knots but I keep'em in disguise
Appalling is the truth, connecting all the dots as I'm crushing all the lies
Growing while I'm pushing through this mess
Elevated by this kush I be taking couple breaths
One shot, two shots, started seeing blurry when I text
Couple messages I been curving in my head
Gotta keep my secrets hidden deep in my chest
So I wonder what's my calling in my early twenties
'Cause I don't want a life where I struggle for my pennies
Been investing all my stubs, while the rest gotta spend it
But money is a drug, I want more like the bank when they lend it
Studying the system and this game
Finessing all the rules but I'll never be the same
I partly want change but I wanna stay sane
I'm fragile in my faith, and I fear
That ego starts to show if I make it with some fame
Tormented by dilemmas that I face
Be a victim or a pilgrim, dirtying my hands for a raise
The devil has secured me in those chains
To find a middle ground between wealth
And a stealthy modest life is insane
'Cause living as a Christian in my conscience has brought me lots of pain
And despite, all the blessings that I have, I feel guilty in some ways

Guilty of my sins while I'm pointing all my digits
I'm tryna shake it off but I struggle with my limits
Feeling like a snake cuz I'm shedding all my skins
Hypocritical cuz I let the devil visit

But listen when I say
They all so superstitious with they signs of the zodiac
Looking at the stars when they align, I'm a Taurus stubborn like a Kodiak
But please bear with me, I don't mean the disrespect
I'm prolly just confused cuz my words they manifest
So much hate and contempt, so they'll never understand
They think I'm not exempted, but I'm winning undermanned
Been feeling all the pressure like them precious diamonds
But I could never fold got the lord, blessin me dayiman
But I'm tempted in my soul, I know the devil smiling
Been thinking bout those girls in my past, they got me all dialin'
I watch'em and watch us
I watch'em and watch us
I watch'em and watch us
I watch'em and watch us

Following idols, with eyes closed
Millions of disciples, with tribals
Exclusive like they Tidal, they claiming
They're entitled but where the fuck's yo title
Believing you're a God, but mortal like Titus
It's hard for y'all to kneel, maybe it's arthritis
Or maybe it's the pride that we keep deep inside us
'Cause ego and the lies are the cause, they divide us
I'm watching from afar, but really I'm the same
Cairo's "mattar" got me thinking bout my bars
Flying over heads cuz I wrote'em from the plane
Or maybe cuz they hard like my ways
Reflecting bout those days before I started rappin'

Listen
Twenty Seventeen, I saw my life flash
This only had a meaning, "forget about the past"
Heartbroken from a bitch, our story didn't last
Was walking with a hitch, my leg was in a cast
Surgery went wrong, sleeping gas almost killed me
Although it wasn't long, I saw God tryna show me
I'll be missed if I'm gone, gotta change but I'm still me
Now I make a song bout my story, in case he wanna take me
Hit a flatline but I'm baptized, I'm chastised for my lies
But I promise, that his time I'll make rhymes
Straighten like them french fries, gotta catch up with the lost time
Gotta cut ties with the capsized, they cap size is hiding all this sunrise
It's why I'm changing up
I'm gonna make it right like I'm flawless
Thinking bout my wallets like when shopping in Adonis
I'm tryna get cleansed like I'm drinking from the chalice
I wash my sins away just tryna be modest