III. Hypertrophy

Just give me my time
And just give me my space
I got a lot on my mind
And got a lot on my plate
Maybe I've been trying to go find
Or maybe need to set things straight
Or maybe all this time I've been blind
To think I control my fate
But how come feelings won't go away
Leave me with nothing to say
Cause all this time I know I stayed the same
While they go and run away I'm right behind, it's a chase

It's a feeling I can't escape it
Wake up breathing it's a brand new day and
Made up reasons to stay awake can't keep my mind off
Wonder why I keep chasing
Memories they forget
Temporary and they left
Cherish these and express gratitude for whats to come next
I'm trynna keep looking ahead
While counting the days reminisce
Can't stop thinking about the past
Cause back in the day, those times I do miss
When were just out being kids
Had no clue what reality is
Now the pressure just keeps sinking in

So the stronger it gets, I hold on to the bonds
That I can't seem to sever
So while it appears to be slipping I go and just tighten my grip
I don't need excuses know I'll keep on
Listening, whenever you plan to set sight on that ship
But it's rather one sided
And you kept your distance
You never check up like you don't give a shit
Don't say it's high maintenance
Cause I did whatever I can and on your end remained indolent
I'm reminded of the fucking past days
When I think about it sudden feel betrayed
Drowning in silence wonder when we became
Somewhat outsiders that's when the whole beat changed
Digging deep inside asking why does it all seem strange
I advised a little time to wait and keep the blame
All the self-talk, self-hate
What the hell you gonna say self
You deserve straight hell
I'm trying to refrain

All the hate that's stored up inside
In my veins and the border defines
Flow through arteries or in my eyes
Cause it's sharp to see resentment and where it lays
And truthful is something I'm testing
But really, it's hard to be honest at times
That part of mine meant to be useful is less than a remnant
Cause part of me often does lie
To myself and my whole being
To exactly what I've really been feeling
Anger, hate, then resentment revealing
Need to keep it in, need to conceal it
I can't be consumed by negative pieces
That forms and assumes a relative freedom
You're not really free
Cause the hate that you send comes back
At the end double the threat you receive it

This gonna be a full-blown rant
Just like
I'm just so done
I'm so done trying to reach out to you on my end
I'm so done
Trying to be
Tsk
Ugh fuck I can't go against that
You know you'll always be my friend
Even if we don't talk as much
I talk all the time but I just don't know why
I keep sending you messages
Trying to check up on how you are
And all my replies, you don't give a fuck
Not even one response you don't give a fuck!

I'm sorry if my attempts come across
Like I've been set busy bothering you
But I've been upset just to sum it up
Due to our lack of connection, the opposite's true
Back in the day, cause I couldn't forget
When you helped me back then with my problems and through
Good company, memories, and respect
With the help of should, I say moderate booze
Now it seems my response has beset
And the friendship's on its end or proximately due
Don't know how to feel besides bent
And dejected cause in a way I used to look up to you
But it isn't just you

It's all of the people who got up and left
They ain't looking back and hold no sentiments
To all of the times and the memories shared
I need to get this right off of my chest
Cause only then I can let go and pretend
That it was my choice and think it's for the best
Won't live in regret and just do what I can
Fuck all that bullshit forgive and forget
It's equivalent to If I give then they get
Leave me alone with nothing but a breath
So I can hold on till they put me to rest
Let's

Change the perspective
That I'm done with my rant and that I understand but it's
Strange and reflective
At some point, you take a look at your circumstance and
Aim to be objective
Asking is it all fate or is it happenstance
It pays to be perceptive
When you finally aware you were never the victim
The fact of the matter was all in your hands
So don't act like you bitching we don't give a damn
Cause you didn't know shit
And didn't know any better
But in the end, it went according to plan
In other words
Distance worked out for you
Instead of bitter
Figure out what you bout to do
Maybe he needs some room, like how you needed room
Best just to leave him alone, need to see the truth
If he real you won't need him to go seek you soon
Friends stand out from a crowd like a Dashiki do
If you need me, then just call me like Beetlejuice
I'll be right here for you, won't need to keep it cool
Anywhoo

Just give me my time
And just give me my space
I got a lot on my mind
And got a lot on my plate
Maybe I've been trying to go find
Or maybe need to set things straight
Or maybe all this time I've been blind
To think I control my fate
But how come feelings won't go away
Leave me with nothing to say
Cause all this time I know I stayed the same
While they go and run away I'm right behind, it's a chase

Just give me my time
And just give me my space
I got a lot on my mind
And got a lot on my plate
Maybe I've been trying to go find
Or maybe need to set things straight
Or maybe all this time I've been blind
To think I control my fate

Yea
Yea yea yea
Yea yea ugh
Yea
For a long long time
I felt like I was just blind
For a long long time
I finally opened my eyes
For a long long time
I was just stuck in denial
For a long long time
I bottled what's deep inside

Yea
Ugh
Let me ask questions
Why you feel like you stuck in your place
And can't vent it
Take a look back reflect it
Cause you only gained confidence when you were tested
These 2 years are a testament
What you thought were setbacks turned around to your benefit
Man you doubt just a little bit
Stop replaying events thinking what could be different
Come to your senses, stop being pretentious
Just be yourself and stop putting the distance
Come any closer, set up picket fences
That was before, mechanisms defending me
From the outside world that seems harsh and reality
But the circle I keep that's surrounding me
Serves as proxy for what I'm avoiding but what I was bound to see
Now I be happily
Moving across
Setbacks I blamed and that I once thought
Began my shame, but it was me not
Taking full agency
From failing subjects to getting degrees
Getting cheated on but land on my feet
Losing people and have some of 'em leave
Developed character and identity
If it ain't happen then I wouldn't be
Right in the fire where I need to be
So tear up my fibers but watch me increase
The setbacks just lead to my hypertrophy
Peace
So tear up my fibers but watch me increase
The setbacks just lead to my hypertrophy