Vegetarian

People always ask me, "V
How do you live so selflessly?"
"This girl's gonna change the world"
"I can't believe you don't eat no meat"

I don't even eat bacon, I'm so noble
Don't gotta raise livestock, thinkin' global
And my diet's all beans, eggs, leafy greens
Tofu and chickpeas, just for the protein

And there's one thing that will make it all worth it
One thing that I give it up for

I'm vegetarian, cause I wanna
Make life harder for everybody else
I don't care about the animals or factory farms
I just wanna be a pain in the ass

Is this meat I see?
On the menu?
Before I place an order
There's just one thing you should know

I have airborne vegetarianism
You can't cook this in a room with a cow!
If they were peanuts, and I were allergic
I'd be dead by now

And now I'm on the list of dietary restrictions
It's not just "religions" and "allergies"

I'm vegetarian, cause I wanna
Get my revenge on the allergy kids
Sure you might die from a veggie pad thai
But we can't do that barbeque place

It's been too hard to get what I need
And I don't just mean my B-12 deficiency
Too many people in the world have stopped eating meat
Now there's vegan place on, like, every street
It's way too easy to eat like this
There's a tougher, beefier world I miss
I'll be the worst vegetarian that there ever was
But I'll never be a vegan because

Eggs

Eggs
A hen just shut you out
And now you're in my sandwich
That's what life is all about
And milk, and cheese
Increase my chance of heart disease
But I live for cow udders
And chicken ovaries