Battles With Anxiety

Welcome to my battles with anxiety
Some battles that get bigger now
Battles that i live with
And some battles i can't live without

Battles that are stand up
And some battles that's gon sit me down
Battles that i understand
And battles i can't figure out

Battles with my sleep patterns
Since i barely sleep at night
Battles with my appetite
Since i'm barely eating right

Battle with this life
When i barely see the reasons why
Battles with my demons
When i'm lonely and i keep em by

Battle with some choices
Of having to make some choices
Battles with keeping it quiet
Or me making noises

Battle with using my voice
As a voice for the voiceless
Battles of me trying to
Hate this shit or enjoy it

Battles of if these new morals
Should probably bend a bit
Battles of embracing my pain
For my own benefit

Battles of my love
Should i stop trying to rekindle it
Battles with forgetting them
Or me tryna remember em ahh

Suicidal suicidal suicidal
The pills got me thinking
Suicidal suicidal suicidal
These thoughts got me stinking
And i hold it in cause it hurts
It don't make sense for what's it worth
Suicidal suicidal suicidal
The pills got me thinking

Back to fake smiling
Back to fake happiness
Back to cover how i
Feel with some flashiness

Jewelry on expensive just to
Cover what i'm lacking in
My confidence is low feel like
Being happy's a accident

Or maybe it's cause life never
Went the way i imagined it
I never was the kid with
Good grades or straight A's

College dropout and in my mind
That's the last of it
The money i make i don't think
I deserve half of it

Why am i blessed
When i question my faith
Or feel like giving up in life
When things don't go my way
Or maybe i find new pleasures
When i'm going through pain

Or feeling younger in ways
While getting older in age
I feel i never deserve the love
That she might bring
Cause i can't love her how she
Love me and it might sting

Me thinking we have an us
And well that's unlikely
Every girl that cheat on me or
Leave me did the right thing ahh

Suicidal suicidal suicidal
The pills got me thinking
Suicidal suicidal suicidal
These thoughts got me stinking
And i hold it in cause it hurts
It don't make sense for what's it worth
Suicidal suicidal suicidal
The pills got me thinking

All the money in this world
Ain't good enough
The highest love with my girl
Ain't good enough
The newest home newest car
Higher credit healthy food
Church service none of that
Is even good enough

God's love my mom's love
Wasn't good enough
Family time family fun
Wasn't good enough
Doing things to feel young
Wasn't good enough
Shutting it off and running
Wasn't good enough

Me getting good sleep
Wasn't good enough
Me having great dreams
Wasn't good enough
Me loving what i see
Wasn't good enough
Since me looking at me
Wasn't good enough

And being who i wanna be
Wasn't good enough
And the bible's that i read
Wasn't good enough
I'm thinking having me a seed
Won't be good enough
A version of little me
Won't be good enough nah

Suicidal suicidal suicidal
The pills got me thinking
Suicidal suicidal suicidal
These thoughts got me stinking
And i hold it in cause it hurts
It don't make sense for what's it worth
Suicidal suicidal suicidal
The pills got me thinking

This how my anxiety sound Pin it down
Quiet down and you could hear it loud

Bunch of bells bunch of noises
Bunch of distorted voices in my head
And i can't focus you would think
That i enjoy it

When i'm out here and annoyed with
What i see i think it's poison
And i barely see the reasons
When i think my life is pointless
And my purpose disappear from me on purpose
That's the verdict

When i'm less encouraged
And 'im less determined
Less deserving

So i never see the better way
It's all a dream i never chase
If i told my moms my problems
She gon say you better pray
So you don't look like better prey
To demons that you reaching
And you seeking when you speak
It's so convenient get your head on straight

Why i'm thinking that nothing is enough huhh
Why i'm looking at my wrists
And want some cuts huhh
Why i wanna slide that knife in my throat
But never go through with it
Cause i don't got the guts huhhh

So tell me what this is posed to be like
Headache pills on my dresser giving me life
I'm smiling hiding everything it seems like
They would think i'm too strong
To be this weak right

God don't slide to the left
Hope he keep right
But i barely ate
And i don't sleep right

I gotta question if this is just a phase
Or i'm addicted to the pain
Cause i know i'm who to blame
Cause i know i ain't the same
And i like it cause it's strange

Separation from another person
This is how i'm made
Or is this what i became
My anxiety my case

Shadows on the wall
My best friends when people run away
And they should hide for cover
Since they knowing i ain't safe

Put herself in harm's way
If i'm the one she wanna date
It's a chance she'll lose the game
If i'm the one she wanna play
It's a chance she'll pay the price
More than she's willing to save look

I guess i'm trauma bonding
With this new identity
But what that mean when
Everything good is my enemy

Overdose pills to sleep
Headshot Kennedy
Lord forgive me
I don't even care if they remember me
While i'd gladly turn myself to a memory
I put the shots to myself if they trigger me

People love me so this exit gon be bittersweet
I gave them all the signs
So is it them or me

No lie this pain is real like that
Gotta have a numb heart
To make it feel like that
Gotta burn the bridge
That you helped build like that
So i pop another pill
And i be right back ughh