Worst and Best

There is a bug
Inside my brain
That strives to feed me all its pain
Inputting thoughts that serve no gain
Except to bring me down again

And i can't let it win

It's bleeding poison in my mouth
And it's not fair to spit it out
So then it melts inside
Replenishing my fears and all my doubts

Too many times to count

And so it seems my strengths just make the worst of me
Cuz once again my efforts fail to mend
So everything i do's filled with uncertainty
I just pray that one day that can end

I want me here
It wants me mislead
It always paints it in my head
I try to fight it but it strangles me
I fight myself instead

And it skews all that i've said

It changes form
And it shifts in shape
Pretends to look the other way
But when i try to love myself
It's back to whisper what to hate

And it's adding all this weight

In the end my strengths just make the worst of me
So maybe you were right to run away
Despite your words my mistakes are still all i see
But i work to fix that everyday

When I'm around
The thoughts preside
So who i am is cast aside
I turn to mask it up
Acting like a fool to keep things light

And it never quite feels right

This little joke
I have become
It helps me purge it helps me numb
It's unsustainable but at least who i am still shows in crumbs

That's where my joy comes from

Cuz after all it's flaws that make the best of me
My selfishness has saved me once again
Maybe i should just renounce the rest of me
Surely there's no time to heal within