Dope Rush

If I had known what trouble I was getting myself into
I doubt I would have even spoken a single word to you
Then you took me by my hand
We slept in the same bed
You're only mine you said and I thought that it made sense
You looked like everything I wanted for me
You were kind and gentle and sexy
And I thought we'd marry and have kids together
I said "you and I forever" and dreamed of you when we were far
How could you be so addicted to someone?
I swear I was sure you were the right one
Before you revealed who you really are

But I'm so furious at you for what you've done
For you fucked me up then you left me on my own
Even after all these months that I've been alone
I still can't help feeling tied to you

Cause you were my adrenaline
You were my dopamine, my endorphin
You were a dope rush in me
Now you're my biggest fear, my worst enemy
But I still love you after all you did

I knew something was wrong
When I first saw you angry and drunk
Threatening me that you'd beat me up
If I didn't stop asking and leave you alone
I had to tolerate your extremist views on politics
On how you wanted to bring up our kids
How now you deny you treated me like shit
Drained my pockets, spent my money
Your arrogant tone when you spoke
The smoke of your cigarette in my throat
How you ghosted me and disappeared if I did something wrong
I didn't recognize myself anymore
Cause you turned me into a puppet
I was your slave in and out of bed
Had no idea about your sick plan
I was so broken when it did end

But I'm so furious at you for what you've done
For you fucked me up then you left me on my own
Even after all these months that I've been alone
I still can't help feeling tied to you

Cause you were my adrenaline
You were my dopamine, my endorphin
You were a dope rush in me
Now you're my biggest fear, my worst enemy
But I still love you after all you did
So here I am at your door
Undress me and lay me on the floor
We numb the pain like all the times before
You keep me down on Earth
It's like I'm the ship and you're the anchor
But once it's over how can we go on?

You know when I leave you I come back
Like a star attracting a planet
But this time it won't happen again
I wish I could forgive you, but I can't

Now you have what you need, cocaine and drinks
The guy in your football team but you'll come back to me
I'm such a sucker for you that all my thoughts flock to you
When I smell your perfume or hear your fucking name