Since You've Been Gay (Live)

I'm starting to think that I'm losing my funny
Only write sad songs and my life just ain't sunny
Now
Since you told me you're gay

Still think you coulda waited til we were both finished
But I guess I should've noticed you were kinda diminished
In spirit
And in size

Shouldn't be surprised
Musta been hard or rather soft to hide your love of penis
You're cunning
But you take so many gym selfies
I really should've seen this coming or not coming
I'm traumatized but I can't be mean
So I hope your inconvenienced in your life and in your dreams
Cuz it would make up for when you said - mid sex!
That Im the reason you switched teams

I hope a red sock gets thrown in with your whites
I hope you do drag and get a rip in your tights
Hope you get an allergy at forty-three
And you have a hard time getting used to gluten-free

I hope you get laid over on a holiday flight
In a city like Detroit, and you stay overnight
And you sleep in an inn with little hairs on the sheet
And your pillow doesn't feel right
And it smells like feet

Hope you have average fashion taste
I hope your contacts gets erased
And when you go hunting for them you get stuck in the cloud
I hope your neighbor steals your mail
I hope you just miss every sale
And I hope you die
Your hair the wrong color

I hope you come out of the closet and your fly is down
Hope theres no towel after you shower and nobody's around
Hope you go to the store to get your favorite soy milk
But they're out of every brand, except for silk

I hope the train comes through right before you arrive
I hope you get into plants but can't keep any alive
I hope you take a dump and there's no paper left for you
And no one comes in but as youre switching stalls they do

And I'm not trying to be mean
Now that you're a queen
But I hope you order seamless and it never arrives
I hope some night you meet someone
And when you try to orgasm
You just can't
Because you think of my boobs

And I can't judge the way you feel
But if were being real
Itd hurt a whole lot less
If you would give me back my favorite dress