I'M Drowning Again

I never really learned how to start grievin'
Anxiety got me chokin', I don't want to keep on breathin'
In the waters of regret, I wish that I could forget
But the aftertaste sticks around like a broken cassette
Cold sweats layin' on the carpet that I never wanted
Lookin' at the closet doors to check if I have lost it yet
Reflection stares back, I hear my neck crack
It's only a matter of time before it goes snap, uh!
Wish I could lеt go, tired of the echo
Of thе whispers in the meadow I've been hearin' since the get-go
And I'm jealous of your misery, do you even remember me?
I'm still where you left me, bleedin' out from my injuries
Won't write your name in here like I'm writin' in the Death Note
But I'll have the heart attack if you ever see what I've wrote
It's embarrassin', you'd think I'd stick to severin' our ties
But the last time I thought of you, I nearly fuckin' cried
You're the only one who's ever made me feel loved
So forgive me if I'm not above human weakness
Barely remember what happened between us
Maybe my catchphrase was wrong, thoughts like that keep me sleepless
Beauty doesn't fade from view, we just move on to newer sparkles
Distracted by whatever most recently left us startled
Or maybe I'm just an asshole hung up on a fish hook
I'm tired of writin' the same fuckin' chapters in this book, ugh!
I'm a failed author, that's what Ryan said in 2018
Then I put out LIMBA when I was barely eighteen
Now I'm nearly twenty, and look what that effort got me
My own friends take my art as another method to mock me
Origami, foldin' shapes into somethin' they're not
Pretendin' that they're special, but they ain't part of the plot
Background character, a glorified extra
Ain't nobody gonna get the reference to Vesta, so shut the fuck up!

Help me!

Spelled my name wrong on the poster, then ask why I never post her
Do I regret those late night convos where I got to know her?
No... well, it's- it's complicated
It's a kind of magic that's left me intoxicated
There can be only one, and there ain't a way to be pardoned
Hypnotized by emerald eyes, green like the highlands of Scotland
And I want you to know, that I still ain't know how I feel
Sometimes I wonder if your actions were real (Hang up!)

Fuck around in the waters and I drown
Hide the body, I ain't want to be found
Fuck around in the waters and I drown
Yeah, ayy, uh
Fuck around in the waters and I drown
Hide the body, I ain't want to be found
Fuck around in the waters and I drown
Yeah

Fuck around and taste my own blood in my mouth
No matter what, I can't let my secrets out
Only way for me to go from here is South
Deeper into the swamps of green and brown
Fuck around in the waters and I drown
Hide the body, I ain't want to be found
Fuck around in the waters and I drown
Yeah, ayy

I've been wanting to leave for quite a long while
The only reason I've stayed around all these years is because I didn't have a
A big finish for my act
Come to think of it, I never really had a beginning, either
But, uh, this is the last show for perhaps ever, I don't know
Some people I know expect a tearful farewell
And I'm going to disappoint you tonight