Wiggle Woggle

I looked in the mirror and what did I see?
A beer-barrel belly barrelin' back at me
See, it wiggled like a jelly
And it woggled like a jam
Then along came my wife and she started to slam!

The problem is beer, she said, look at that gut!
It's the ambrosia of life, I said, keep yer yap shut!
But it wiggles like a jelly
And it woggles like a jam
She said them things are sweet, are you a sugar-cured ham?

See, I like doppelbock, pale ale, dupelplus, too.
Eisbock, stout's good and porter will do
I like smoked beer, honey beer, brown ale's great
Extra special bitter's nice with sausage on a plate
Even fruit lambic, barrel-aged, pumpkin apple sour
Pilsner in a yard glass will last me half an hour
So smooth, so cool, a tastebud jewel
And I'm just an ale fool, get it? An ol' ol' ale fool!

No wonder you're fat, she said, from all them suds!
Get yourself a hobby horse and throw away the Buds!
'Cause it wiggles like a jelly
And it woggles like a jam!
So I cracked a dumb smile and gave her, thank you ma'am!

I determined there and then to eliminate
The pernicious little habit that for decades formed the weight
'Cause it wiggles like a jelly
And it woggles like a jam
So I left her there and then and I took it on the lam!