Burdened

Some nights I lie awake, wondering what could have been
A different choice made in the mind to unravel all the seams
A different way, a different dream
Impossible to see
Got me thinking who'd I be if things were 180 degrees
I was a, young lad
Papa said I was mature enough to
Take the journey to a land beyond what-err was used to
Mama happily supported, gave her blessing too
But now I know, it hurt to see me leave so soon
I won't lie, the adventure made me so excited
The thought of independence, sounded so enticed
I made my vow, never let them down whenever needed
Yet here I am, not sure I'd pass if litmus tested
A few months gone, the path of being homesick
Chilly days and loneliness, made things toxic
Thought I found love but only made a wound kick
Found myself often searching for that home shit

So when the night is long
And all is said and done
I ask myself
If I ever failed you
Ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh
And at the end of the day
When all is said and done
I hope to God
That I never failed you
Nahhh nahhh

Back to the past's present, on to a new life
They wanted better for me, won't die without a fight
Let go of simple comfort just to see me thrive
Made big sacrifices, love I can't deny
But by 19, my mind was on a different circus
You see I felt something and it made me nervous
I sought a road so far from the initial purpose
I still question myself if I was being heartless
Well, I can never fully know
The decision back then led to many open roads
There was no way to measure, the future wasn't told
Had to find a compromise, put two lives in a mold
Don't get it twisted, shit's never been easy
With three other younglings, things were never rosy
And I feel the pressure, always had to impress
So hard to do you when you come as the first

So when the night is long
And all is said and done
I ask myself
If I ever failed you
Ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh
And at the end of the day
When all is said and done
I hope to God
That I never failed you
Nahhh nahhh