Sorry Mom, Sorry God.

Canceled all my plans for next week
Contemplating this decision that I need to make
If I've been grappling with this shit
For the past twelve years
Why does it feel
So urgent now
Some days it feels like I'm making progress
In all actuality I'm just doing more drugs
Reading songs I wrote when I was just nineteen
If I say that I'm getting better
Then I'm lying to myself

So how much does it take
Til we can finally say
That we gave it our best shot
Pull the plug and walk away
No it's not giving in
And I'm not giving up
It's an acceptance of reality
Of the threshold of enough

I used to believe this was just a phase
Not a chronic illness that kills us every day
We're the last of a dying breed
It was never a matter of how or what
But a matter of when
Just another item on a growing list
Need to clear my schedule
So it's not inconvenient
Longing for the fatal steel
Bitter candy to my lips
Close my eyes one final time
Oblivion, pure state of bliss

So how much does it take
Til we can finally say
That we gave it our best shot
Pull the plug and walk away
No it's not giving in
And I'm not giving up
It's an acceptance of reality
Of the threshold of enough