You Can't Have Me (If You Don't Have Him)

My folks were small-time grifters, yeah
And counter-fitters, too
They never did the kind of things
That most kids' parents do

Most fathers make a living
Keeping books or pushing broom
But Mom and Dad made homemade dough
Right in our living room!

But when the heat got too intense
They took it on the lamb
My father left a note that said
"Be better than I am!"

Then Jerry's clan across the hall
Stepped in to save the day
They took me in and raised me right
And that is why I say

That he's the needle, I'm the thread
He's the butter, I'm the bread
He's the fruit, and I'm the peel
He's Achilles, I'm the heel
Yeah, he's my brother through-and-through
Like the Marks, the Wrights, the Grim!
Yeah, you can't have tea without the two
And you can't have me if you don't have him!

Alright, back to work!
Don't you wanna hear Jerry's half of the story?
Gotta give the people what they want

My folks were in a business, too
The business we call show
The house was full of hoofers
We were strictly SRO

They taught me every time-step
Then I shuffled off to school
But on the south side of Chicago
No one loved this dancing fool!

The gangster kids all knocked me down
And made off with my lunch
'Cause I was taught to buck and wing
But not to land a punch!

But then Joe here had a brainstorm
When he saw I couldn't fight

I played the odds against him
And we ate ice cream every night!

Yeah, he's the bait, and I'm the hook
I'm the goose, and he's the cook
He's the beans — and he's the gas
I'm the bulls — and I'm the brass
You can't break up a winning team
Like that crutch and Tiny Tim!
They say you can't have a ball without the shoe
And you can't have me if you don't have him!

Oh, when we play, it's just a fact
Our music fills the air
It's true that opposites attract
And so we make a perfect pair!

'Cause I'm the third, and he's the root
That's the place all chords begin
We're two of a kind, if you're color blind
Separate mothers but we're brothers
Under the skin!

So what more can we tell ya', folks?
We're partners 'til the end
It's nice to know my brother here
Is also my best friend!

And when this duet's over
And the music's growin' dim
As the undertaker starts his spiel
Please remind him we're a package deal

'Cause you can't have Verve without the Bim
And you can't have me
If you don't have him!
Yeah, you can't have me if you don't have him!