Invisible Toxin

See depression is more than suicide notes
More than empty pill bottles or cuts on wrists
Depression is finding more ways to mask your pain
Than you find yourself healing from it
Depression wears many faces
Because depression is continuous phases of fake smiles
Hearing a million and one I haven't seen you in a whiles
Because depression is canceling plans
Depression is that friend that gets in the way of you and your other friends
Depression is realizing that your smoking and drinking sessions becoming excessive
But doing nothing to stop it because you know no other method
Depression is knowing we come from a place where
We can't shed no tears
People make it clear that we got to hold onto untold stories
Because we don't talk about feelings here

We come from a place where self harming is considered white people shit
So we keep it pushing and walk around like PTSD don't exist
Then leave the scars on people that have nothing to do with it
Depression is the fact that I can't tell you how many times
I googled different ways to die
And having the only results that I find be suicide hotlines
Frustrated
Thinking guess I got to handle this shit myself
Looking at the prescription pill bottles on my shelf
Depression is that thing making sure that your happiness is never lasting
Depression is viewed as attention seeking
Up until the moment that you prove to people that shit could get tragic
Now it's them same people regretting having multiple opportunities to check in
And realizing that they never took advantage
But see nobody thinking that when they leave you alone
With the thoughts that got you held captive

And they asking
How many times have you shown that you haven't been yourself
And you're needing help and no one noticed
How many times have the people closest to you
Made you regret being open
How many times have you been a support system
That holds everyone else together while you was broken
Remember that time when you said you were fine
And they knew you were lying
But they did nothing about it
Remember when you almost opened up again
But you also remembered the pain of either being left or judged
And decided that you could do without it
See that's why you got that fear of abandonment
While feeling like self isolation is the only option
As you watch yourself die slow from this Invisible Toxin