Modern Day Kamikaze

Here I am
Looking at myself
And I don't know
Who I am anymore, anymore

Trials and tribulations starting to take toll
Stress used to mild, now it's all I know
Remaining high parallel with a C-note
Over indulging as I lose my ego
Scale tipping, wrong side, moon knight
Sail dipping, too wide, lost sight
Sampling this world like I'm trying new spices
Blindfolded lifestyle, drowning in my vices
See the evil in my heart something like Isis
Not on the same level, but I catalyze
My demise, I despise, what I see before my eyes
Dishing out lies, over-consumed with pride
The toxic masculinity within me on overdrive
Friends turned to enemies starting to multiply
Lack of divinity shading light to my dark side
In need of a push, left side, strong side
Remembering the fighting that would ensue
Back and forth with my little sis back in our youth
Steady bashing on you, always clashing with you
Lashing out not loving you, now I'm wishing this wasn't true
Now I sit back in this booth, recounting false pursuits
All my false idolatries, false motivations
False infatuations, staying awake and
Self medicating, pain never vacant

Here I am
Looking at myself
And I don't know
Who I am anymore, anymore

Red said stand for nothing fall for anything well
I'm on the ground pounding the button aggressively
Need life alert to bust down the door and rescue me
Knees weak, mind lost, my ignorance is petty
My stubbornness is heavy, transgressions feeling levied
Alleviation from my sins no doubt a necessity
No doubt I need serenity, searching for identity
Compilations of my life filled up with so much levity
A child in a man's body recipe for agony
Tragedy, like a busted line up looking raggedy
Dusty, don't know if I can trust me (trust me)
Words spieling out like garbage smelling hella musty
All these visions I had planned make me
Wonder where I stand in this universe
Am I just another by-product of a curse
Or maybe worse, 'cause I always seem
To put myself first, and don't care who I hurt
Damn, Self-inflicted wounds while I go kamikaze
Depicting a nuance, a menace to society
Conflicting the views of everyone around me
Restricting myself from reaching a state of sobriety
Adding to growing the list of what's wrong with humanity
Living reckless, young & restless, shouting out profanities
Greet some cute broads let it feed my growing vanity
Repeat the same routine, headed straight for insanity

Here I am
Looking at myself
And I don't know
Who I am anymore, anymore
Anymore-uh-uh-ah-ah-ha
And I don't know, I don't know
Who I am, who I am
Here I am, looking at myself
Who I am anymore, anymore