Fat Pork's Interrogation

Interrogation of applicant 7-24
Interpreting, Carter Lee

You are advised your right to admission to this country will be today considered by this board
The regulations state that if your answers to these questions do not match those of your alleged father, William Wong, you will be denied entry to the US
Applicant number 7-24 sworn

State your name, your age, and your place of birth
Fat Pork, 21, USA for what it's worth
Married?
No
Siblings?
One
State their name and whereabouts
Devin Wong, New York
Did you leave any siblings out?
Nope

Grandparents still alive?
No
Where's your grandpa buried?
With my grandmother
Kid, which cemetery?
Valhalla
New York?
Man they're tryna break my balls
Now, the house you have in China
How tall are the walls?
Like 20 feet

Describe the house
Two floors and a basement
Describe your roof in detail
Eh, the tiles need replacement
Which way do the doors face?
The back one faces west
Where does your dad sleep?
Upstairs
Whose house is on the left?

We call him Captain Tso
What's his sister's name, this friend?
She's General Tso
Does your street have a dead end?
No
Where do you live in the states?
Chinatown
Why are you here now?
Went to China, now I'm back
Must've been a few years now

Have you ever been to Pike Street?
Yes
Describe your last trip
Street food
Did you leave a cash tip?
No
How far and what direction?
East? This is so bad
Which market did you go to?
I didn't know I had to know that
What kind of pavement leads there?
Dirt
That's not what your father stated
Probably 'cause we're on the border, and borders are complicated

Next question, as part of your application
List the partners doing commerce in this fine, fine nation

Sam Kai Chung, William Wong, and my younger brother Devin
Got like three to four cousins, uh
There should be more than seven
What's your role in the company?
Huge
Your father says that isn't true
You coulda been deceived
Just had to check, didn't you?

Any others in China?
No, we're American
There must be
I got em all, you can trust me

We've got
Ah you
Sum dum gai
Sum ting wong
Wit you

That's enough

These people don't want me here
These questions are just designed to pin ya
My dad and me? We can't agree on what we had for dinner
What kinda crap question's next in this dialogue?

What is the name and location of your neighbor's sister's dog?

Da fuk?

Applicant 7-24, is that the name or the location?
How is it that you don't agree with your own father regarding the name of your neighbor's sister's dog?

Just let me in, I'm his son, I'm so done
Check please
You're making up these complicated questions to get me deported
Inspector, you think you're some kinda sleuth?
Then how come you can't tell that I'm just telling the truth?

Either your pants on fire, or your dad's a liar
Heck, not even a cheat sheet could make your chances higher
You ain't the son of a merchant, nor of fine gentry
Can't prove it, I move that you're denied entry

Ai ya...