Just Last Week

The days are passing like leaves falling from a dead tree
Some fall slowly, some quickly, while others go barely noticed
Some are green, most are brown and rotting
How long do I have left

I still cry over the smallest things
Just last week I accidentally crushed an ant and broke down
Just last week my heart shattered and I wait to be found
Just last week I was 5 years old and didn't worry about anything
Just last week I swear that I was okay

Sometimes I become afraid of who I'm becoming
What if I don't want to live with myself
What if my body can't be a home that I start a warm fire in
What if my stomach always feels too bloated
And my arms hang too low
And my smile is too crooked
And my brain moves too slow
I'm getting older now

And yet my mind has never felt younger
My mind has never felt more scared, more helpless, more alone
I stare at my phone screen waiting for a notification
Maybe if they tell me, I'll finally believe it, but nothing appears
Just last week I didn't care what others thought
Just last week I laughed without a second thought
Just last week I wasn't trapped in my thoughts
I'm getting older now
And my fingers grasp for any sense of relief

Tell me you need me so I can feel purpose again
Tell me I'm important in this god forsaken world and i won't be forgotten
Tell me anything to make me feel good
I don't care if it's true, tell me anything, talk to me
I'm getting older now
And I've lost my friends in the woods
I'm screaming for help but the trees won't answer back
They don't care
And the dirt tries to swallow me and my lungs begin to crack
I'm getting older now
My knees shake, my heart breaks, my brain fogs, my eyes blur
Where did you all go

I can't see you, for my eyes have fallen out
I can't hear you, for my ears ring so loud
I can't touch you, as my hands have gone numb
I'm getting older now
Just last week I thought I might make it
Just last week I dreamt of a healthy future
Just last week I finally slept well
Just last week I didn't question everything that I have done
Just last week I swear I was somebody else
Just last week I hadn't gone numb
But now I'm getting colder