The Deep End

I went back to hell, threw myself in the deep end
I know too well not to go back here
On my mistakes, I dwell, and my feelings deepen
I can never fix, due to my own fears
One night, I tried to sell my soul to the demons
I cannot escape the things I hear
No one can ever tell, when I'm drained and weakened
Alone in this cage, been here for years
Smoking' every day of the week, I'm lazy
Running from my fear is just my way
The pressure made me break mentally, im hazey
I got too much trauma in my brain
I don't know what to say, I bleed out lately
You don't see no emotion on my face
And i cant get away from the evil inside me
If I lose my grip, then I lost my way
I hide my pain with these shades, and mask it in a wall of smoke
I've gone insane, think this blade might be my only hope
What will it take for me to save myself? I want out of this hole
When i awake I'm in a daze, I'm lost, i don't know where to go
It's been a bumpy couple years, I still haven't found my peace
I said "Let me wipe your tears, I'll never leave you to bleed"
Slowly all my greatest fears became a cold reality
Lost so much to get to here, you can't take nothing from me
I went back to hell, threw myself in the deep end
I know too well not to go back here
On my mistakes, I dwell, and my feelings deepen
I can never fix, due to my own fears
One night, I tried to sell my soul to the demons
I cannot escape the things I hear
No one can ever tell, when I'm drained and weakened
Alone in this cage, been here for years
I look at the moon and hear "I know you can do better"
Nobody seems to notice that I put in all my effort
I never get attached, i know nothing is forever
The weight, it broke my back, then i spiralled down in terror
Sometimes it's like I'm trapped, I wrote my feelings in this letter
I know I can't go back, I just wish I had done better
My life is just an act, but i cant pull it together
I show my pain, they laugh, I swap my emotions for pleasure
Im battling these demons
Not a single soul can see it
Lately I've been keeping secrets
I wont let them see me bleeding
Im battling these demons
Not a single soul can see it
Lately I've been keeping secrets
Wont let them see me bleeding
She tell me I look drained, look in my face
Tell me if you can feel my pain
I've gone insane, too much intake of the smoke I use to escape
Im a disgrace, all my mistakes
They can never be wiped away
But I still run away, hope and I pray
God, please let me see better days
Sometimes when I'm alone at night, I wonder how to make it right
Every day is a fucking fight, I'll never ever see the light
Don't act like you could survive a single moment in my mind
Thats a war-zone like Palestine, watch the life slowly leave my eyes
They tell me "Practice what you preach"
But they don't know how hard it is
My soul grows cold within the weeks
Girl, you don't want a part in this
And I know we don't ever speak
But you're still in my heart lil bitch
Take a look inside of me
I'll show you where the darkness is
I went back to hell, threw myself in the deep end
I know too well not to go back here
On my mistakes, I dwell, and my feelings deepen
I can never fix, due to my own fears
One night, I tried to sell my soul to the demons
I cannot escape the things I hear
No one can ever tell, when I'm drained and weakened
Alone in this cage, been here for years