End of an Era

January feeling poison in your bones
And you think that you could flush it
Maybe if you get the dosage right
While I feel all of the hate
In your body and your brain
Dirty stares when you walk down the street
Shitty friends
Ruby garbage on the sidewalk
And a pile of clothes so big it could come alive and murder me
And your heart buried under suitcase luggage
Bleeding smog into your brain until you couldn't get up
Tell me do I look alright
Tell me do I look alright
Tell me do I look alright
Honey do I look alright
I'm terrified at the passage of time
I wonder what you think of it
It's so hard to get a read on you
I wish you'd hate it too
In a strangers house surrounded by new friends
And I think all of the drugs are finally starting to catch up with me
Lovely faces ugly skin twisting body horror grins
Dirty noses dripping glue like macaroni art
And I think I'm just like them
A grotesque of what I was
Fell apart so much this year all of my screws are loose
I'm disgusted thinking you might see me like this
When one pulls me in to kiss me I think I might throw up but
They brush my hair across my face and call me beautiful
I look away cause if they stare too long they won't say such sweet things
Two months later and I'm fucked up at the show
Bought your tickets months ago
But I don't remember seeing you
Spent an hour in the dorm
Putting my eyeliner on
I felt pretty without anyone else
Screaming songs I didn't know
Sweating glitter into gold
Alchemy of bruising skin becoming chrysalis
All alone but i was there
It was something in the air
I don't have to be somebody I'm not
Turn my body into dust
Turn my body into dust
Turn my body into clay
Build me into something worse
I was so afraid to ever leave the house
Now I'm begging for a reason to go out
Getting hurt and falling in love with everyone
I trip so much, I never walk I run
Doing things that probably aren't so good for me
At least I'm doing anything at all
It's the end of an era of attrition
Now we fall apart in
Coalition cuz
It won't be like this again
It won't be like this again
Gotta use it while we can