Unusual

I've always had a problem with self hate
I hate myself not having the wealth
Not having the melanin, I'm not pure enough?
Am I watered down?
It's a question I've been struggling with
But I feel guilty bringing up the shit
They always telling me I'm privileged
But I'm just like you
And you just like me
Them crackers don't like me either
They don't fuck with me!
A nigga, is a nigga
A nigga, is a nigga
A nigga is a muhfuckin' nigga
They don't want me in no corporate office, shaking up they shit
They don't want me getting salary or good benefits
They don't want me getting loans, but I'm getting 'em anyways
They don't want me having, stock they don't want me having options
& maybe that's why I be going hard on a bitch
& when I finally get it, I can't help but flaunt it
I did hard drugs, I went the hardest
All these grams I sold, like fuck an audit
All these rules I broke, I should take caution
I'm blessed I ain't in no cell or in a coffin
I shouldn't even be here
I'm a skip the details
I'm a skip that meeting, that could've been and email
Can you follow the code when you facing these years?
It's always a chance that the fuck shit prevails, nigga
I had to change my perspective to be a winner
And even then, I feel like maybe I might slip up
OD on fentanyl
OD on. whatever
Go raw, I might catch something I can't get rid of
Lose the girl of my dreams to another nigga
Or better yet fail as a father figure

Fear is a helluva drug and so is love
She say we like Jada and Will but that ain't us
Struggle to communicate & freeze up
Yes, we need cash, we also need love
Anxiety the reason I'm always so T'd up
These Doors be closing
They don't never reopen
So I don't never be hoping

I ain't trying to be delusional
I ain't trying to be transparent so you could know
I still fall short in a cubicle
And they won't feel me if my struggle unusual
Unusual
All the shit that we go through unusual
All the things that we're used to unusual
Let's face it, this shit is unusual
So much hate you'll shoot up a funeral
All this hate in our lives is unusual
So much lust we wanna fuck on a group of you
But we hate to put them rings like we used to do
If I'm broke it don't mean that you can't get used
It ain't all about the cash, but I thought you knew

I thought you knew
I thought you knew
We was just fucking, girl I thought you know
I'm sorry I thought you knew
I don't even hate you I thought you know
Matter fact, I love you, I told the truth