Fuckin' Abbot

It's 1528
Anno Domini
(Dies irae dies illa)
Last year I donned the robes of black
And joined the monastery

I heard of this guy named Luther
Turns out he's not real cool with indulgences
So he assembled the truth, sir
And nailed it onto a door for the world to see

I consider myself a pretty worldly guy
The kind of monk who's grabbed an ale with Henry V-triple-I
(I-I-I!)
So I posted my own theses, just for kicks
Don't mean to toot my horn, but there were
96

The very next day I went to greet
The undoubtedly large crowd at the door
But to my dismay my sacred piece of parchment was no more
Instead of my work, neatly nailed to the door was a note
That so passive aggressively read
"No unauthorized signage shall be posted on this door
It is only to be used for entering and exiting
Signed, head of the monastery
Abbot John"

Unbelievable
He thinks he rules the monastery
Well I mean he kinda does but anyway
This new life as a monk is really solitary
I just want people to hear me
But this Abbot guy's making it really
I don't even know what to say sometimes
It's just like

Fuckin' Abbot
Do you know what I mean

Okay, nobody got to read my theses in the end
I think I've got an idea that'll put me in a history codex
I will write a mass that will transcend
The very fabric of music in this time
I'm a monk!
I consider myself a pretty musical man
The kind of monk who's played a few notes with Josquin
May he rest in peace
So I wrote my not-so-ordinary mass
Don't mean to toot my horn, but it was
Pretty bad ass

I gathered the boys that night
To sing through all my notes
The most beautiful voice came out
Of all those monk-y throats
Well just as we got to the third Kyrie
Came a knock on the door
From that Abbot to say
"As we know and signed in our rental agreement
Quiet hours in the Abbey start promptly at 4pm"
It's just like

Fuckin' Abbot
You know what I mean though

I went to the Abbot's office for to say
"I've had enough of your Machiavellian antics"
But something curious happened on that day
When we came face to face
I got all nervous
I consider myself a pretty eloquent dude
But when I looked in his eyes
I started feelin' a mood

Sometimes I can't believe
The evils of man
I think, "I guess I'll leave
Maybe check out the Quran"
But when I consider a life without him
I get a little bit sad and grim
What are these feelings that suddenly arise
When I think of his beautiful, sparkling
Shimmering
Smoldering
Abbot-y eyes
He's condescending and bosses me around
But something just makes me feel safe and sound

Hey, Mr. Abbot!
I think I'm falling for you
I know it's a little crazy I know but
Hey, Mr. Abbot!
Can't you see that we could be two?

I just want you to be near me
Even though you've always been distant cold and icy
It's like I always say
The cold never bothered me anyway
I guess you could say I'm just

A benedictine guy
Who's been addicted to you
A benedictine guy who's been addicted to you
A benedictine guy who's been addicted to you!
A benedictine guy who's been addicted to you!
A benedictine guy who's been addicted to you!
A benedictine guy who's been addicted to you!
Alright good job everyone
I really like that word
AMEN!