The Way of the Bean

Goddamn cat is after that bird again
Martha, old General Custard is after
Pea Wee again... scat
Son of a
Oh my, I didn't realize you were back
Well alrighty then
Onward and upward
Let's get this here yarn spun
Back to Captain Coffee Bean the roasted and toasted superhero
And his nemesis the never have been roasted bitter mad scientist Dr. Heisenbean

Now the Captain and Heisenbean are kinda like enemies
But it wasn't always like that
When they were younguns they were as thick as thieves
I mean they were like two pimples on the same ass
Before the Bean was the Captain
He was a simple orphan seed named Dick Doubley
Poor little Heisey was also alone in this old harsh world here
As alone as a slab of head cheese in a deli case
When they were little noddles they went to the same orphanage
The Coffee Nib Home for Wayward Beans
Here they were taught The Way of the Bean
Instilling in them all the virtues of blessed caffeine
They became fast friends and we're inseparable

In his early teens Heisenbean fell madly in love with a local girl Jeanie Quaker
Unfortunately, poor little Heisey fell on the wrong side of handsome
In fact, this old boy was as ugly as a pyramid scheme
Now you see that wasn't the case with young Bean Dickie Doubley
Who was so good looking he could take the stink off shit
Jeanie was enamored with young Doubley
After the rejection from Jeannie, Heisenbean fled the orphanage never to return
He became more bitter with each passing year
And vowed revenge against his childhood friend Dick Doubley

Heisenbean's Rage
Has set the stage
To create
The Distressers