Should I?

Should I?
Continue shouting for an audience i never met
Should I
Possess university creds or benefit checks
Should I
Go into real estate like some of my friends
Or should I
Deviate towards a future with dubious bends
Save to buy a studio apartment
Depart from the benz avoid the high ends
Shop at Kmart for bargains and low spends
Emotions I've chosen to close and re open
Resulting in what you see before me

I been telling all these stories unaware you
Unaware of who been talking through the
Condenser microphone recording
According to you I'm Mista Green?

But who the fuck is he
Who the fuck am I
And who the fuck are we
It's time for introduction
This is my musical production day to day
I work in minor construction
Assembly technician or something
Doesn't really spark attention
During discussions
I'm treated fairly when it comes to time
I'm always rushing I been following
Instructions to rebuild my confidence
Then something catches me off guard
I'm back to self destruction
I struggle wit self loving

In a way I'm documenting the progression or
Regression of my growing addiction to
A seemingly cureless depression
With eyes set on materialistic perfection
Which won't make me happy will it
That's another unlearnt lesson
My curse consists of second guessing
Over stressing wanting more deserving less
And asking all the worst questions
Imma have to search through the
Hurt section of my brain to find the answer

Expression of my vulnerability may fill
The hole that's in my soul supposedly
That doubtful voice it always get ahold of me
And getting it the fuck out of my head
To lie dormant or dead sounds like a
Pretty common goal to me
I hope we all agree

I fear the voice is gonna be the fall of me

I control the abuser abusively controlling me
I fell in love with poetry I write because
I know it's solely me it serves as a reflection
Of my insecurities It does so inadvertently
Enjoy the purity of structured uncertainty
Unobstructed and pure relief

Should I
Continue shouting for an audience i never met
Should I
Possess university creds or benefit checks
Should I
Go into real estate like some of my friends
Or should I
Deviate towards a future with dubious bends
Save to buy a studio apartment
Depart from the benz avoid the high ends
Shop at Kmart for bargains and low spends
Emotions I've chosen to close and re open
Resulting in what you see before me