Rainy Days

Brainstorming through these rainy days
I was feeling down; I was feeling pain
I remember days, couldn't feel a thing
Had me singing songs in the fucking rain
It was cold as hell on those winter days
Those late nights on the CTA
Had me asking God, "What's my ETA?"
If it's too long, I don't wanna wait
Go ahead, end it all today

Brainstorming through these rainy days
I was feeling down; I was feeling pain
I remember days, couldn't feel a thing
Had me singing songs in the fucking rain
It was cold as hell on those winter days
Those late nights on the CTA
Had me asking God, "What's my ETA?"
If it's too long, I don't wanna wait

Go ahead, end it all today
Got no time to sit and wait
Told myself I'll make a change
But some years passed, and I'm still the same
No one to blame but me
No one hurt me more than me
Might as well be six deep
'Cause these burdens are burying me

Since '97, I've been stressing
Had fireworks during my birth
Man, I swear to God that I feel cursed
And day by day, it just feels worse

Got a hole in my heart that's literal
Living life miserably
Question my purpose; it's a mystery
Steady letting small shit get to me

I've been up and been down
But too many times, seen the ground
And it's too hard to make this frown
Go turn around, flip upside down

Trapped in my head, I'm losing my mind
Every day feels like I'm wasting my time
How many hills do I gotta climb
Just to go see some fucking light?

They said it gets better; well, they fucking lied
I might just feel better if I fucking died
Can't look the Reaper straight in his eyes
Someone keeps telling me I gotta fight

I only see darkness; been scared of the light
I talk to the moon; hope she's steering me right

Brainstorming through these rainy days
I was feeling down; I was feeling pain
I remember days, couldn't feel a thing
Had me singing songs in the fucking rain
It was cold as hell on those winter days
Those late nights on the CTA
Had me asking God, "What's my ETA?"
If it's too long, I don't wanna wait

Go ahead, end it all today
Got no time to sit and wait
Told myself I'll make a change
But some years passed, and I'm still the same
No one to blame but me
No one hurt me more than me
Might as well be six deep
'Cause these burdens are burying me

I've been down for too long
Think to myself 'cause I know I'm that too strong
Hey, mama ain't raise no quitter
Even when the relationship's bitter. Hmmm mmm
Done seen and felt worse on those steps
Those cold-ass winters, yeah, yeah

These were my lessons to honor my blessings
Too young to understand
Too young to be a man
I didn't have a plan so brainstorming I began
I didn't like how I was feeling
My stress was passing the ceiling
Knew music will do some healing
Started venting all my mood swings
And I had to speak real truthly

I feel like a demon the sun never see me
Sometimes I'm all cool but sometimes I be tweaking
Like what is the reason for all of my downfalls
And close calls that I've been thru?
I see happy days for like 2 days
Then it's right back to the them rainy days
Somebody help me take this pain away, ay
Brain jumping all over the place
Getting too hard to concentrate
Everything feeling just way too blank
I'm lost out at sea, and I'm walking the plank
Lately, I feel like I don't really care
Being lost in my ways got me ghosting my peers
I'm all out of love so I can't shed a tear
Really feel I done got Too many years

Every day feels like I'm just slowly rotting
I should've been dead when that street hit my noggin
Just got me a scar for the daily reminders
I'm just a happy soul filled up with darkness

Easy for me to lose sense of my conscious
Mindstate been stuck in the negative
Yet I still rely on these sedatives
Knowing only I control these narrative

Go ahead, end it all today
Got no time to sit and wait
Told myself I'll make a change
But some years passed, and I'm still the same
No one to blame but me
No one hurt me more than me
Might as well be six deep
'Cause these burdens are burying me