Deny Me Certainty

Imagine all of the faces that
Would have been
Could have been
Me

Could have been me

It lies beneath all
The words on the tip of my tongue
So deep that I can't
Even understand what's going on
A silence that eats away
Creating an itch that I can't replace
One day I bury
The next I am digging
To find and hide answers
I don't even have questions to
Let me
Decide
What I'm gonna do

Head down I carry on
When I sit in silence I'm not the one
Telling myself I'm done
I can't, I won't, there's nothing else left
Is it a disease or is this humanity?
Cause I can't see what's in between
Is it Uncertainty?
Or am I denying certainty?

Denying certainty
If I'm only lying to myself
Is it just as dishonest
As the smile on my face?

This is
My
Deniable admittance
This is
Why
I cannot stop
For even a
Single second

Now
It's
Staring right at me
I can taste it
Poisoning normality
And
When
It finally takes me
I'll finally know that it wasn't insanity

Head down I carry on
When I sit in silence I'm not the one
Telling myself I'm done
I can't, I won't, there's nothing else left
Is it a disease or is this humanity?
Cause I can't see between
Deny me certainty

Now
I've poured a little too much out
Standing alone
No one to hear as I shout
With the vultures above
Every eye locked on me
And a six foot hole underneath
My feet

Fuck it I'll be worm food

Think of
The faces

Think of all the faces that could have been
Me

If I'm only lying to myself
Is it just as dishonest
As the smile on my face?

Head down I carry on
When I sit in silence I'm not the one
Telling myself I'm done

Head down I carry on
When I sit in silence I'm not the one
Telling myself I'm done
I can't, I won't, there's nothing else left
Is it a disease or is this humanity?
Cause I can't see in between
Deny me certainty

This is
My
Deniable admittance
This is
Why
I cannot stop
For even a single second