if it weren't for me (voice memo)

You sat in your car to avoid a conversation with me
And two hours later I did the exact same thing
And when we were inside I poked your thigh to get you on the other side of the table
And that was the first time that we'd touched since April

And I'd rather never had touched than only have touched you once
Cuz I keep touching myself to the memory of you and it makes me feel like a cuck
And was I cringy to you, last night, shaking my hips in the middle of the dance floor?
Cuz I can't understand how all your friends are dancing and you're sitting in a corner

If it weren't for me
If it weren't for me

You sat on the farthest couch from me
So I sat on the carpet like a loser to hear you sing
And now I've got a microphone and you're not even listening
It's like you never knew you called me "baby" in your sleep last spring

And I'd rather never have touched you than only have touched you once
Cuz I couldn't have guessed it was the first and the last when we were laughing in only our
socks
And now I'm sticking to walls and you're checking your phone in the middle of a concert
And we pretend you don't know how I look without clothes so we don't make the topic awkward

When we're all joking
When we're all joking

Hey, do you remember what I looked like in the morning wearin your shirt without permission?
I'm still embarrassed about that

And I'd rather never have touched you than only have touched you once
Because I know how your breath tastes and know how your lips break
but not how to talk about lunch

And I didn't shower that night, wearing parachute pants, in my mind there was no chance
That for the rest of your life when you hear my name, you're reminded you wouldn't know how it feels to make
Love through the night then ghost the next day cuz your craving is satisfied with disdain

If it weren't for me
If it weren't for me