a toxic heaven

I wish there was more to this
But it's an empty road

I'm sober, at least I thought so
This was over like some lifetimes ago
You were so hurt, but you still let go
All of your words sound to me like echoes

Repeating all the shit we said
We were toxic, but we were all I had
You were the enemy, but you were still in my bed
Now I can't sleep, your dreams haunt me instead

And it's not fair, you said you'd never leave me
My life was the price, but you know that never scared me
If loving you was a crime, then baby, let me be guilty
I know you never lie, so you never said you loved me

How can I be fine?
You gave my life meanin'
It was all a pretended lie 'til you came and made it easy
Now I can't even smile, thinkin' about all of your tears
That you said you'd cry if I ever made you leave me

Oh, oh-oh

I don't know who I have been
Since you're gone, I've been sinkin' in
I know you told me I can call you again
I've been wondering if I deserve a second chance

'Cause with all we did, the fights and abuse
I know a part of me still loves the thought of you
And maybe I'll wait some more, hope for some thoughts to be new
'Cause at the rate I'm going, you've left me a lifetime of bruised

And it's not fair, how could you say I'm guilty?
When all I did was smile through all the pain you gave me
No, I'm not saying "leave", 'cause you know that that would kill me
Just say "sorry" and I'll be back where you need me

Done this a million times, this time it should be easy
And after all this time, maybe finally you'll need me
I know I'm not as pretty as the other girls that you see
You know that I'm the only one who doesn't care if you're guilty

And it's my fault
All the pain

I wish I could say you're the one that hurts me
But how could I when I'm the one addicted
And I know there's no cure for the treason I've committed
Except for you to be the savior and for me to be the culprit

Know there's been a lot of everything
The pain, the hurt, the scars
The love, the calm, the numbing
And I can't let it go, so I'm always here for anything
That you hand me down in your callous hands, I'm suffering

Hmm
Oh