The Darkest Timeline

I was young, dumb, and in love
Practically drunk off the stuff
Daydreaming of growing up
And how I would shove my fist through the nose
Of the jock whose hand you hold
There was no more bitter pain
Than waiting for your embrace
Don't think that you knew my name
But I planned our future anyway
I will build you a she-shed
Five kids, two dogs, you might need an escape

Now I'm longing for that longing feeling
That's slowly escaping
Gives way to complacency

I could be so eloquent
Conversations in my head
Hanging on each word I said
Until my imaginary friends grew up
And we grew apart
Now I am still a cliche
Just like I was in eighth grade
But in a more mature way
Developmentally appropriate
For someone middle aged

Now I'm longing for that longing feeling
That's mostly escaped me
Since my awakening
Now I'm looking for something, anything
Something that can safely
Return me to naivety
Something that can save me
From my awakening

Now I'm thinking those were the days
I'm getting drunk for a change
The 10th consecutive day
Thinking maybe one day I'll sober up
And burn it all down

Self-destructive habits
Chase the feeling, dull the pain
Patterns of inaction
The darkest timeline is now fate
The darkest timeline is now fate
And I'm looking back now
And I'm wondering if I had it made
Back when I felt something
The darkest timeline is now fate
The darkest timeline is now fate
The darkest timeline is now fate