Sick Joke

(Write it in gold
It could be retold
But the ending gets old
They say you learn to know
When it's time to go
Like a sick joke)

These days I'm talking to myself again
Reenacting conversations that never happened
I know what to say now when you ask me
If everything I feel is temporary
I'm learning more about myself
And it's scary
Won't you let me live right here in the memory
Love me plenty, Take this gently
Leave me empty, Leave me whole
Call it what it is
It's a sick, sick joke

But nobody's laughing now
Wanna learn to love you I just don't know how
Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out
And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about
Nobody's laughing now
Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town
Will I find it in me to find a way out?
I think I might feel better once I let you down

Restless, overanalyzing everything
You reached across these sheets for me
And though we never touched in that midnight glow
Every part of me you begged to know
I look into your eyes and I see my own
Almost like you always knew me
What a horrifying feeling
(You were horrifying)

I only miss it a little
And I don't wish you very well
You only loved me in riddles
But you still loved me, I could tell
Now you call it a fever dream
Only kidding yourself

But nobody's laughing now
Wanna learn to trust you I just don't know how
Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out
And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about
And I'm still checking my phone
But you're no longer a contact
I'm good on my own
And you already know that
You swore to be true
And you failed in the moment
They say it takes two but
I blame you
Nobody's laughing now
Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town
Will I find it in me to find a way out?
I think I might feel better once I let you down

I don't know what it means
Someday I'll find the meaning
The wound still stings
But I kinda like the bleeding
Where'd you go? I don't know
But you oughta stay there
Had to block you on the internet
Cause I still care
It keeps me up at night like a bad, bad dream
What if I never find someone who's just like me?
Our stars never aligned and we did a bad thing
I hold onto these grudges like i wish you held me
Reluctantly surrender my incessant need
For love so all consuming that it ruins me
You promised it was real, well I guess you misspoke
So call it what it is
(It's a sick, sick joke)

And nobody's laughing now
I wanna merciful, I don't know how
Swear I'm really trying but you wore me out
All that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about
And it goes against my nature to believe you're bad
But why'd you have to lie to me like that?
There always comes a point when you have to have your own back
Nows a good a time as ever to learn that
Thankful that I never gave you all of me
Now I get to walk away with everything
If I linger in your memory, eradicate me!
I never saw you coming but I felt you leave
Nobody's laughing now
Gave myself the closure cause I did my best
Hope you never find the guts to make amends
Crying to my friends
Plotting my revenge
When all I really wanna know is
Why would you pretend?