Early Bird Special

I used to slay the young ones
And they circled the block for me
In the back of my Camaro
Way back in '83

But like Spandex
And big hair
The times have changed for good
Now the young ones pass me by
But I'm all right
Since the day I met Gertrude

Our eyes first met at the bingo hall
And she knew just how to please
Lemme tell ya you've never had a real hand job
Til it's from a woman with a twitchin' disease!

So when I pop my viagra
I'm flowin' like the Niagara
And you won't be able to stop your moanin'
Till the mornin'

And on the road I know for sure
There's always one place for me to go
When I need some classy ladies to bone
I go to the nursin' home!

Let's catch the early bird special
So we can fuck all night!
Don't eat too many beans
So that asshole stays tight
All right!

And now the only young girls I see
Is when they visit their grandma and me
They scream and run when they see me in the nude
Fuckin' the Gertrude!